rex_the_hamster

Skating Through the Break Chapter 10

2007-01-03T11:26:06Z

Chapter Ten

They arrived back at camp in the middle of the afternoon and, as they neared the beach they had come to know as home, Kate was feeling slightly anxious. Even though they had only been gone a couple of weeks, she felt as though so much had changed since they left and she wasn’t sure how easily they would adjust back to the normal humdrum of island life. Everyone would expect them to be the same people they were when they left, but that was something they couldn’t do. No one would know the traumatic experience she had Sawyer had faced, and yet without that knowledge, they would not understand the changed pair that had returned from captivity.

She glanced up at the silent man who walked beside her and held her hand reassuringly. She wondered how he was feeling.

As they rounded the corner and saw the tents in front of them, she felt a sense of relief that they had finally made it. She knew that they were really no safer from the Others here on the beach, but just being here, being home, made her spirits lift immeasurably. She looked up at Sawyer and saw similar emotions on his face. He sensed her looking at him and he smiled down at her, squeezing her hand a little tighter.

“We’re home,” she whispered. He nodded slightly, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, turning as Locke approached them.

“Why don’t you two sneak in from that way,” he suggested, pointing towards the trees. “You probably don’t feel up to facing a crowd of people all wanting to know what happened.”

“You some kind of mind reader now?” Sawyer asked, revealing that he had indeed been worrying about the moment that they were seen by the rest of their camp.

Locke just grinned. “I’ll catch everyone up on your story and you two can make an appearance later. Get some rest.”

“What about me?” Alex asked quietly from behind them.

“Come with me, Alex,” Locke smiled warmly at her. “I can introduce you to some of the folk and I know Claire will be mighty happy to see you.” At the mention of Claire’s name, Alex brightened and, smiling back at Sawyer and Kate, followed Locke down the beach.

Without a word, Sawyer and Kate turned into the jungle and crept somewhat stealthily towards his tent, hoping to avoid too much attention. They had nothing to worry about, however, as the majority of the people rushed towards Locke’s party as he approached.

“Home sweet home,” Sawyer announced as he flicked up the blanket that served as a door on his tent. “What the hell?” Kate moved in behind him and stopped at the sight of Sawyer’s secret storage area open and all but empty. Scowling fiercely, he turned to storm out of the tent but Kate’s hand on his chest stopped him.

“Leave it,” she said softly. “For tonight. We’ll go together in the morning and get it all back.” To her great surprise, he nodded and seemed to calm down.

“Sawyer.” Sayid’s voice filtered into the tent and they walked out to meet him.

“What?” Sawyer said gruffly, still angry about his tent invasion.

“I want you to tell me again what happened with Jack,” Sayid said.

“Why?”

“I just want to make sure I have my facts straight,” he replied. “Your story is…”

“My story is what?” Sawyer asked, scowling.

After a thoughtful pause, Sayid answered. “Unusual.”

Kate saw the very thin rein on Sawyer’s temper snap and gasped as he grabbed the Iraqi by the throat. Sawyer moved his face close to the other man’s, seething.

“You know what, Omar? I’m getting a little tired of these snide insinuations of yours.”

Sayid broke free of Sawyer’s grip and moved back before dropping into a fighting stance, preparing to take on the angry Southerner.

“That’s enough,” Kate said, moving between them. She turned to face Sayid.

“What are you saying, Sayid?”

“I just find it difficult to believe that Jack would not want to be rescued. How can you be so sure that he these are his wishes?”

“Sawyer asked him a question that only Jack would know the answer to,” she replied. “He gave him the opportunity to tell the truth or to lie to let us know what he really wanted. Jack said he wasn’t in danger and that he would be okay.”

“I do not understand.”

“You explain it,” she said, turning to Sawyer.

“He can go to hell,” Sawyer said, staring angrily at the Iraqi.

“Sawyer,” Kate sighed, in exasperation.

“Fine,” Sawyer growled. “I asked Jack who I met in Sydney before we got on the plane. I told him to tell the truth if he really didn’t want rescue. If he wanted us to come back for him, all he had to do was lie. He told the truth.”

“And who did you meet in Sydney before you got on the plane?”

“His father.”

“And was this the truth?”

Sawyer looks at him in confusion and Sayid reworded the question, speaking to Sawyer as if he was a child. “And did you meet Jack’s father in Sydney before you got on the plane?”

Kate could see Sawyer ready to explode again and she pleaded with him with her eyes to behave.

Finally, he answered. “Yes.”

“Did anyone else know this?” Sayid asked, causing Sawyer to snort in exasperation.

“That’s kinda the point.”

“That was not an answer.”

After another glance at Kate, he sighed. She knew that he would have walked away from Sayid a long time ago and was only continuing with this interrogation for her sake; and she appreciated it.

“No,” he answered, continuing in the condescending tone Sayid had been using with him. “No one knew that I met Jack’s father in Sydney before I got on the plane. That good enough for you, Abdul?"

Sayid was silent for a short time, his gaze never leaving Sawyer as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Interesting,” he said finally.

“What are you getting at?” Kate asked, silently applauding Sawyer’s patience. She was ready to hit Sayid herself for his patronizing attitude.

Sayid turned his level gaze to her. “No one but Sawyer knows whether Jack answered the question truthfully or not.” Kate just looked at him in confusion. “We only have his word,” he continued.

“And that’s not enough?” she asked, feeling her own anger rise to the surface.

“No,” he answered simply.

“What would he possibly have to gain from lying to us?” she continued.

“You mean apart from you?” he said calmly. “Keeping you away from Jack means that you would be more likely to pick him. Then there’s the gaining of power amongst the other survivors. He is a con man and can easily turn people around to believe whatever he wants them to believe. Do you not recall the gun incident?"

Kate stared at him in disbelief unable to believe what he was saying, until his words started to sink in. She turned to look at Sawyer thoughtfully and began to wonder whether what Sayid had said could be true. Sawyer had used her before. Would he go this far to make sure Jack stayed away?

Unfortunately for her, her train of thought was painfully evident on her face and Sawyer could easily read her uncertainty. His heart aching that she could believe such a thing about him, he quickly and efficiently schooled his face into a mask of contempt.

“Nice,” he drawled, stretching the word out with sarcasm. “Thanks for the faith there, Freckles.” She opened her mouth to speak but he lifted a hand to halt her, before continuing. “It’s alright. The jig is up. Saddam here worked it all out. This whole thing has been an elaborate ruse to get you to screw me.” He turned from her stricken face to look at Sayid. “If you’d kept your mouth shut a little longer, I coulda got laid a few more times.”

Turning back to Kate, he smiled, humourlessly, “that’s right, sweetheart, planned the whole thing. Got ol’ Mikey to kill those girls to get you all riled up and go after those Others. Then I made sure they put us in cages and put the good doctor somewhere else so we’d get some quality time together.”

He pushed his hands into his pocket in a jaunty manner, hiding the heartbreak and anger that consumed him.

“Wasn’t difficult getting blockhead to beat on me to bring out your protective instincts so you’d choose me,” he continued. “Then I lied about the Doc, thus ensuring that he would never set his foot on this island again.” He scowled down at Kate, no longer able to hide the anger and disappointment. "Yep,” he finished, “I’m just that fiendishly clever.” With that, he turned and strode into the jungle.

Kate was stunned and speechless, unable to do anything but watch him leave. As he spoke, she had realized how crazy Sayid’s accusations had been, and she regretted her momentary lapse of belief in Sawyer. She was angry at herself and took out the emotions that whirled inside her on the person that had placed them there in the first place.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” she fumed, pushing him aggressively. “You have no idea what we went through, what he went through. How dare you say he’s lying?”

“He has lied before,” Sayid answered calmly, inciting Kate to want to slap the calm expression off his face. Luckily for the both of them, she resisted the urge.

“Has he?” she continued angrily. “You think so? Think of one time that he has directly lied. If any of you actually bothered listening to him, you would have realized that he has never directly lied. He’s cheated, he’s coerced and he has reworded things to come out suiting him, but he has never lied to a direct question.”

As she said this, it occurred to her that she really had spent a lot of spare time thinking about Sawyer and the things he had said to her. She didn’t remember ever consciously thinking about him lying, but as she spoke, she realized that what she said was true.

“I’m certain that is not true,” Sayid was saying, interrupting her thoughts.

“Name one time,” she challenged him.

After a moment, he said, “Shannon’s inhalers.”

“Did anyone ever actually ask if he even had them? Did you? I know I didn’t. Like everyone else, I just assumed he had them.” Yep, she thought, waaaaay too much time thinking about Sawyer.

“I’m sure there have been other occasions,” he replied, unwilling to admit defeat.

“But you cant think of one, can you,” she answered, feeling smug. “I can tell you that he has only directly lied to me once. And that was when we were in the cages and he did it to save me from being cut open like they did to him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Like I said,” she answered, softly, “you have no idea what he’s been through.”

Sayid seemed thoughtful, as though actually contemplating Kate’s argument. “Even after the guns, you are that sure he is telling the truth?”

“I know he is,” she answered defiantly. “And if Jack truly wanted to be rescued, Sawyer would be planning it right now.” When she saw Sayid’s skeptical face, the anger that had been abating rose once again to the surface.

“These people are animals,” she stormed. “And they are more dangerous than any of us realized. And I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that Sawyer wouldn’t leave anyone from this camp behind if he felt they were really in danger.”

“Not even for you?”

“What? You think I’m going to dump Sawyer the second Jack gets back and that Sawyer’s working to keep Jack away to prevent that?” she asked incredulously. “That is insulting! To Sawyer andto me.”

“It is obvious that Sawyer is in love with you and I find it very easy to believe that he would do what he felt necessary to keep you with him.”

Kate was quiet for a moment, her eyes never leaving Sayid’s. What she was about to say to him was something she had never voiced to anyone before, not even Sawyer. She had always fiercely guarded her feelings and to make something so private known to him, and probably everyone in the camp before long, was not going to be easy. She smiled slightly as she recalled Sawyer’s words “nothing worthwhile ever is”, and she felt her anger dissipate.

“Sayid, I care about Jack, deeply,” she said calmly. “But I love Sawyer. And if Jack were to walk down this beach right now, I would still care about Jack… and I would still LOVE Sawyer.”

She turned her back on the man and walked into Sawyer’s tent, dropping the flap closed behind her. Once inside, she stopped and took a deep breath, feeling somewhat emotionally drained. She felt terrible about hurting Sawyer and knew it was going to take some major effort on her part to regain his trust. His “to-do” list popped into her mind and she felt instantly guilty, realizing that they would have probably crossed at least one activity off his list by now.

Coming to a decision, she began rummaging through his belongings. After a side trip to her own tent, she was ready. Armed with a backpack, she walked into the jungle and began tracking him, smiling at the ease of which she was able to follow him. In his anger, he had stormed through the jungle, leaving an array of broken and flattened bushes in his wake.

After awhile, she smiled. She knew where he was going.

Skating Through the Break Chapter 9

2007-01-03T11:23:45Z

Chapter Nine

In less than five minutes, they stepped into a clearing to see Locke and Desmond adding wood to a small fire.

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” Locke said, a huge smile crossing his face as he straightened and came towards them. He hugged Kate and then, to Sawyer’s great surprise, gave him a small hug also. “Good to have you back,” Locke grinned again. He took a step back and looked them over. “You look terrible,” he finally said, directing his words to Sawyer.

“Well, we ain’t exactly been at Club Med,” he replied, feeling more relaxed at the sight of the bald man in front of him. It finally felt like they were almost home; that their ordeal was nearly over. He knew that he wouldn’t feel completely relaxed again until he was actually standing inside his tent, but at least now, that dream seemed a little closer

“And who’s this?” Locke asked, looking past Kate at Alex, who stood timidly behind her.

“This is Alex,” Kate answered, taking Alex’s arm, encouraging her to stand beside her. “She’s going to be staying with us for a little while.”

“Then welcome, Alex,” he smiled warmly at her, eventually seeing a small shy smile in return.

“And where is Jack?” They all turned at the sound of Sayid’s voice as he stepped from the jungle near them.

“Well, hello to you too, Omar,” Sawyer said sarcastically.

“Hello, Sawyer. Hello, Kate. Where is Jack?”

So much for the niceties, Sawyer thought. “Jack’s not here.”

“Apparently,” Sayid replied, moving to stand beside Locke. “So where is he?” He looked at Sawyer accusingly.

“He didn’t want to come with us,” Sawyer answered, simply.

“I find this very difficult to believe.”

“Well, Mohammed, I really don’t care what you…” Kate stopped Sawyer with a hand on his arm, sensing his growing anger.

“Jack helped us escape,” Kate answered. “We wanted to go back for him but he didn’t want us to.”

“So you just left him,” Sayid said calmly, despite the accusation in his words.

“It was his choice,” she replied, as she felt Sawyer stiffening beside her.

“How about we sit down and relax,” Locke said, trying to ease the growing tension. “We’ve got some food and a fire. Let’s have dinner and you can tell us the whole story from the beginning.”

Kate smiled at Locke with gratitude. Tensions between Sawyer and Sayid were rapidly escalating and a fight between the two men was the last thing anyone needed.

Sayid nodded reluctantly and moved to sit near the fire. He carefully watched both Sawyer and Kate, looking for any evidence that they may have been compromised, as Michael had been. Not having Jack with them was a definite point against them and he resolved to get to the bottom of it. His interest piqued as he watched how Kate interacted with Sawyer. He had long known of Sawyer’s interest in Kate and had suspected for some time that he was in fact in love with her, but Sayid was unaware of Kate’s own feelings. He watched as she smiled reassuringly at the Southerner, encouraging him to sit beside her by the fire. She touched his hand, but he pulled it away, scowling into the fire.

Interesting, Sayid thought. Something had definitely happened between the two, their actions indicating a stronger connection than had been there before they were taken, but whatever it was had currently cooled; not unlike a lover’s quarrel, he realized suddenly. Apparently, their relationship had moved forward substantially. And where did Jack sit in all this?

******************************

Their hunger sufficiently sated by fruit and Dharma bars, Kate began telling the group what had happened since their capture by the Others. She was thorough on most parts, but held back when it came to what had transpired between herself and Sawyer. That was really nobody’s business but theirs.

When she mentioned the shooting of Pickett’s wife, Sayid spoke up.

“Did she die?”

Kate nodded. “Apparently they took her to Jack but he couldn’t save her. Did you shoot her?”

“We were following you in the boat,” he answered. “The plan was to meet you at the coordinates provided by Michael, but something went wrong.”

“No, really? What was your first clue, genius?” Sawyer asked, his voice heavily laced with sarcasm. “You and the Doc’s dumbass plan nearly got us all killed.”

“It is hardly my fault that you were not where you were supposed to be.”

“It is your fault when you knew Mike was lying,” Sawyer argued, angrily. “Both you and the Doc knew he was leading us into a trap and you said nothing; just let us go off like lambs to the slaughter.”

“I regret that I did not realize how deeply into the deception Michael was,” Sayid said calmly. His lack of remorse was starting to anger Sawyer and he was ready to get up and punch him. Kate, realizing this, quickly interrupted.

“What happened after you were supposed to meet us?” she asked, turning Sayid’s attention back to her.

“We built a large fire to get their attention and waited for them,” he began. “Jin and I waited on land and told Sun to hide on the boat. Unfortunately, they slipped past us and onto the boat. Sun shot the woman and managed to get off the boat before they left, taking the boat with them.”

“And you say she was the wife of one of them?” Locke asked.

Kate nodded. “Pickett. He, uh, took it pretty hard.” She glanced at Sawyer, wondering if she would ever get the visual of him kneeling in the dirt, the gun pointed at his head, out of her mind.

“Do you think he’ll come after you?” Locke asked.

“He’s dead,” Kate answered softly. “He did come after us and he was killed.” Sawyer said nothing, only stared into the fire.

“Well,” Desmond said, finally, breaking the silence that encompassed the camp, “at least it’s all over now, right? You’ll be home tomorrow.”

“It’ll be nice to get home,” Kate agreed. “I can’t wait to have a shower.” She noticed a look pass between Desmond and Locke. “What?”

Locke smiled sheepishly. “There really isn’t a shower anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Uh, the hatch kinda blew up.”

“How the hell did the hatch blow up?” Sawyer asked incredulously.

“We, uh, didn’t press the button,” Desmond answered.

“I thought you were all for pushing the button,” Sawyer said, looking at Locke. “It was all about pushing that damn button.”

“I decided I wanted to see what would happen if we didn’t.”

“And it blew up.”

“Yep,” Locke grinned. “Apparently, it also turned the sky purple but I missed that bit.”

Sawyer and Kate looked at each other. “We remember that bit,” Kate said. “The sound it made was almost unbearable.”

“There’s something else too,” Nikki spoke quietly, gaining their attention. “Mr Eko died.”

“What?” Sawyer was stunned. “When?”

“Two days ago,” she answered.

“What happened?” Kate asked softly, looking at the shock on Sawyer’s face. She understood how he was feeling. He knew, as she did, that were it not for Eko, he wouldn’t be sitting there with them right now. He would have been dead from the gunshot wound. Eko’s quick trek through the jungle with an unconscious Sawyer on his shoulders had been what kept him alive long enough for Jack to give him the antibiotics to defeat the poisons in his system.

“I believe you know it as ‘the monster’,” Locke answered.

“The thing that killed the pilot,” Kate said.

Locke nodded. “None of us saw it, but we heard it. We were down in another hatch when it happened. When we came up, he was nearly dead. He lived long enough to tell me that we were next, then he died.”

*****************************

When Kate woke, the moon was high in the sky and the camp was quiet. After Locke’s announcement about Eko, the camp had basically fallen silent; each person deep in their own thoughts. Sawyer, in particular, had seemed devastated by the news. As he still refused to engage in any kind of conversation with anyone, including her, she could only guess at what he was thinking. She wondered if he had worked a way to blame himself for Eko’s death as well. The man wore guilt like a cloak.

When she had lain down to sleep, she had lain near him but not touched him. When she had earlier touched his hand by the campfire, he had carefully moved it away. She couldn’t tell if he were angry at her or himself, but she figured that she wouldn’t know for sure until they were alone again back at camp.

She was surprised to see that he no longer sat by the fire, and she raised her head to look for him. She found him quickly, leaning against a tree nearby, watching her.

“Hey,” she said, quietly.

“Hey yourself,” he replied, giving her a small smile. Taking this as a sign that he was feeling a little better, she scooted over to sit beside him.

“How come you’re up?” she asked. “I didn’t think you were on the watch roster?”

“I’m not. He is,” he said, inclining his head to the prostrate form of Paolo on the other side of the campfire. “I must have slept for an hour or so and woke up to find him asleep over there. Gave him a kick, but he just mumbled something like ‘five more minutes, Mom’, and went straight back to sleep.”

Kate was pleased to see a small grin on his face as he spoke. After a moment of silence, she took a chance and laid her head on his shoulder. He didn’t move but neither did he push her away, which she felt was a good sign.

“Are we okay?” she asked quietly.

He didn’t answer for a few seconds, then sighed. “Yeah, Freckles, we’re okay.” To emphasize his words, he took one of her hands in his.

“We’re gonna do this a lot, aren’t we?” she said, more a statement than a question.

“What?”

“Fight, argue, you know,” she shrugged.

Sawyer chuckled. “Wouldn’t be us otherwise.”

“I’m not good at this,” she said. He turned to look at her. “Relationships,” she elaborated.

“You’ve got more experience than me, Freckles. With real ones, anyway,” he added with a grin. She smiled against his arm.

“It’s not going to be easy,” she sighed.

He was silent for some time, before he finally spoke. “Nothing worthwhile ever is.”

At that, she smiled and reached up to kiss him gently. She smiled at him again, before resting her head against his shoulder again. This time, he lifted his arm and wrapped it around her, his cheek resting on her hair.

They sat like that for some time, both watching the fire and wrapped in their own thoughts. Eventually, Kate spoke.

“So, what’s the first thing you’re going to do when we get home?” she asked.

“It’s a toss-up,” he answered. “Eat, sleep, bathe, have sex.” When she looked up at him, he grinned. “In no particular order.”

“Do you want to know what I’m going to do?” she asked.

He shook his head. “You’ll be too busy being included in my activities.”

“Is that so?”

He nodded. “Yeah, that’s so.”

“Well, okay then,” she grinned, snuggling back into him.

She could feel her eyes drooping closed again until he spoke.

“Freckles,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” She looked up at him to see a look of regret on his face.

“Ana Lucia,” he said, simply.

She wanted to tell him not to be sorry; that he had nothing to be sorry for; but she couldn’t. She was too moved by the actual fact that he was telling her he was sorry.

“I thought sorry didn’t suit you,” she said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Do I look like I’m enjoying myself?”

Kate laughed. “No, actually you don’t.” She leaned up and kissed him softly. “I’m sorry too.”

“For what?” he asked, confusion crossing his features.

“For not saying goodbye,” she whispered. He looked surprised then pleased, then kissed her, his tongue sliding into her mouth in a soft yet passionate kiss.

Skating Through the Break Chapter Eight

2006-12-11T04:05:49Z

Chapter Eight

A booming clap of thunder resounded through the air, announcing yet another torrential downpour of rain as they trudged wearily and silently through the jungle, with Sawyer in the lead. He scowled up at the dark sky, muttering “typical”. Just what he needed to add to the misery he already felt.

He had barely spoken to either woman since they had woken; only offering one-word responses when he was specifically spoken to. By the look of his eyes, Kate could see that he had not slept at all through the night; protecting them, she knew.

At one point, earlier in the morning, Alex had commented on his dark mood and questioned whether the two had had a fight through the night. Sawyer heard her and turned to glare at her blackly, stopping the younger woman in her tracks. Kate just rested a hand on Alex’s arm and waited till Sawyer turned back around and continued walking, before whispering “just leave it alone”.

When the sun was high overhead, they stopped at a small creek to refill their water bottles and eat some fruit. Kate could see that Sawyer was still not ready to talk to her, but could also sense that his anger was gone, replaced instead by a deep melancholy. When Alex disappeared into the jungle to relieve herself, Kate walked over to where he sat, and touched his shoulder. He looked up at her and she handed him a mango, smiling at him. He smiled slightly back and took the fruit. She walked away, feeling lighter in her heart, the smile broader on her face, and was fairly sure she heard a quietly spoken “thanks” from behind her.

They rested for about 30 minutes before setting off again, Alex leading the way.

“How far to the medical hatch?” Kate asked from behind her.

“Unless we walk through the night, we won’t make it till tomorrow morning,” the girl replied. Kate risked a look at Sawyer over her shoulder. His head was hanging down, his shoulders slumped, the effort to keep going getting harder by the minute.

“We won’t be walking through the night,” she said, turning to face front again. She noticed Alex slow down so that both women were soon walking side by side.

“Can I ask you a question?” Alex asked, quietly, obviously not wanting Sawyer to hear. Kate nodded. “Is he okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just that you were both working at the site but he seems so exhausted, and you don’t,” Alex said. “He looks like a pretty fit guy. It doesn’t make sense.”

Kate looked at her in surprise. “I thought you knew what had been happening?”

“You spent the nights in the cages and worked at the site during the day,” Alex shrugged.

“I did, sure,” Kate responded. “So did Sawyer. But in between that, they beat him, they cut him open to make him think they’d put something in his heart...” Her voice cracked as she relived again the moment that Sawyer had told her what had happened to him.

She smiled against his chest as she felt him drape his shirt carefully over her, before gathering her to him again. Darkness had set in and they were happy to lay there, sated and content in each others embrace. She snuggled against him, feeling the roughness of the stitches under her cheek and fought the urge to ask him again what had happened to him those few days earlier. Finally, the urge became too strong.

“Sawyer?”

“Hmmm?” She felt the rumble in his chest more than heard his quiet response and she questioned whether to ask or not. He seemed so relaxed and she didn’t want to upset him or get into another argument.

“What happened to you?” she finally asked quietly. She felt him stiffen briefly and she bit her lower lip nervously as she waited.

“What do you mean, Freckles?” he finally responded. She moved back in his arms so that she could look up at him.

“You know, Sawyer,” she replied. “Please tell me what happened to you when Ben took you away.” As his brow creased into its familiar scowl, she quickly continued, “or at least tell me why you won’t tell me.”

He sighed and looked away into the distance. After what seemed an interminable silence, he finally spoke.

“What the hell for?” he answered. “Don’t make no difference. Was all a lie anyway,” he finished bitterly.

She studied him for a moment, then leaned up and kissed him gently. “Please,” she whispered.

“Why do you need to know?”

“Because it scared you,” she answered, simply. “And you don’t scare easily.”

He was silent again and she knew not to ask again. He was thinking; probably about how much to tell her or whether to tell her at all. Eventually, he sighed again and cupped the back of her head with his head, encouraging her to rest against his chest. She guessed correctly that he couldn’t tell her while she looked at him, and once she was nestled against him again, he told her; from the needle in his chest, to the rabbit Ben had supposedly killed, to the pacemaker. He kept his voice steady and unaffected, like it didn’t bother him, but she could tell by the lack of emotion with which he told her, that it did. His tone was eerily similar to when he had told her about his parents all those weeks ago.

“Then he takes me up some mountain to show me the other island and tells me it was all a con,” he continued. “Showed me the bunny alive and well. Figured he’d gain my respect by conning me.” He laughed, humourlessly. “And that was that.”

“Why?” she asked finally. “Why would they go to all that trouble?”

“Beats me, Freckles,” he answered. “They just wanted me to behave myself, I guess. Not try to escape anymore.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, raising herself to look at him. He refused to answer her or meet her gaze. “Sawyer,” she whispered. “Why?”

He rested his head against the back of the cage and closed his eyes.

“What could you have done, Freckles?”

“Something. Together we could have done something.”

“No, we couldn’t,” he answered. “He told me that I couldn’t tell you.”

“Since when did you start doing what you were told?” she asked, knowing he was holding back from her.

Sawyer took a deep breath and opened his eyes, gazing up at the stars overhead. Finally, he looked down at her, his green eyes staring into hers, filled with a deep emotion she couldn’t describe.

“I couldn’t tell you because he threatened to do the same to you if I did,” he said, softly. He paused, then continued. “And that’s what frightened me the most.”

Kate felt the tears spring to her eyes and realized she could now name the emotion she saw in his eyes. It was love, in its purest form.

Overcome by the feeling herself, she averted her eyes, afraid of having him see it in her own eyes, and instead, offered him what comfort she could. She leaned down and pressed gentle kisses along the length of the cut over his heart.

His hand threaded through her hair and gently encouraged her to look up at him. Neither of them able to speak, they did the next best thing and pressed their mouths together in an urgency that quickly fired them to new heights of desire. She straddled his lap, feeling his shirt drop to the ground beside her and they made love again under the cloak of the night.

“And if you add all that to the fact that he nearly died from being shot by one of those people less than a month ago...” Kate trailed off as she looked back at Sawyer, his face etched with lines of exhaustion, and she felt an ache in her chest.

“He’s been through hell,” she whispered finally.

“Ben is a bad man,” Alex said quietly. Unsure what to say, Kate just nodded.

***********************************

“We should find somewhere to camp soon,” Kate announced a few hours later.

“No,” Sawyer answered, gruffly. “We can go awhile longer. How far are we from this hatch thing?” he asked Alex.

“Too far,” she replied. “We won’t get there before dark.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied, walking past her and Kate. “Let’s go.”

“No,” Kate responded. Sawyer was about to argue with her, when she continued. “I’m exhausted and I need to rest.” It wasn’t a total lie, she reasoned to herself. She was tired but she could go on for a while longer if she had to, but Sawyer needed the rest, whether he was going to admit it or not.

He looked at her for a moment, and then nodded, saying, “we need water.”

“There’s a stream that way,” Alex pointed. “We can camp there.”

As they neared the stream, Sawyer suddenly stopped, whipping his gun out of his jeans and holding his other hand up to stop the women. Kate instantly followed his action, holding her own gun out and listening to hear whatever it was that alerted him. And then she heard it.

“Come on, baby, we’re all alone out here,” a male voice filtered out through the trees, followed by a distinct feminine giggle and some splashing.

Scowling, Sawyer crept towards the sound of the voices, his gun aimed in front of him. At a break in the trees, he was able to see a dark-haired man standing in the stream completely naked, with a blonde woman standing on the side of the bank, her hands on her hips.

“I’m not coming in there, you idiot,” she was saying. “You don’t think they’ll come looking for us if we’re not back with water soon.”

Sawyer felt Kate come up behind him and he silently pointed for her to go back. When she shook her head, he scowled again.

“We’ll get water elsewhere,” he whispered fiercely.

“You want Sayid to catch you with your pants down?” the woman continued, causing both Sawyer and Kate to freeze and look at each other in surprise.

They turned back to the scene by the stream, and Sawyer strained to see them more clearly. He finally recognized them as fellow survivors of the crash and his head dropped in relief. He couldn’t remember their names, but they were definitely part of the good guys.

Standing up, he strode out from the trees onto the bank, Kate a step behind him. “You know, some people might actually want to drink that water,” he said loudly, announcing their presence, watching with some perverse pleasure at how quickly the other man dropped into the water to hide himself.

“Oh my God, Kate! Sawyer!’’ the blonde woman squealed and rushed over to them, hugging first Kate then Sawyer, neither of whom seemed to appreciate the gesture. “We were so worried!”

“Thanks, uh,” Kate faltered, unable to remember the woman’s name. Thinking quickly, she pointed to Alex, who had stepped out of the trees behind her. “This is Alex.”

“Hi, Alex,” the woman bubbled. “I’m Nikki.”

Right, Sawyer thought, Nikki. He remembered noticing her when they first crashed on the island, but a few words with the blonde had made him realize that he wasn’t the least bit interested in her and he had turned his attentions elsewhere. He did, however, always make sure he was up with the island gossip, never knowing when he might need some specific information, and therefore knew that the dark haired man in the water was Nikki’s significant other, Paolo.

“You wanna get out of the drinking water there, Julio?” he called out.

“Uh, could you all turn around?” Paolo responded, looking at the two new women on the bank. Sawyer rolled his eyes and turned to Kate and Alex.

“Turn around, ladies,” he grinned, his heart feeling considerably lighter now that they were back amongst more familiar and friendly faces. Kate shook her head in exasperation and turned, forcing Alex to do the same, although she was clearly hesitant to do so.

After a few seconds, they heard Paolo struggling back into his clothes and they turned back.

“Who else is here?” Sawyer asked. “Heard you say Sayid.”

“Yeah,” Paolo answered, pulling his shirt over his head. “And Locke and Desmond.”

“Desmond?”

“Scottish guy from the hatch,” Kate answered. She passed the water bottles to Alex, who had been standing shyly to one side.

“They sent us to get water while they make camp,” Paolo answered.

“But you decided to engage in some naked water sports instead, huh?” Sawyer asked, wryly, causing Paolo to blush.

“Men,” Nikki grinned, shaking her head and nudging Kate conspiratorially. Kate just stared at her strangely, wondering why she was acting as though she and Kate were the best of friends. They’d barely spoken a handful of words to each other.

“We should go,” Kate said, turning to Sawyer, who nodded and took one of the now full water bottles that Alex silently proffered. He looked over at Paolo.

“Let’s go.”

Skating Through the Break Chapter Seven

2006-12-11T04:04:19Z

Chapter Seven

Their stomachs pleasantly full of fruit, both Alex and Kate had quickly fallen asleep by the fire.

Sawyer sat by the fire, his back against a tree and alternated his gaze between Kate and the flames. He knew that if he let down his guard and relaxed, he would also be asleep in minutes, but he refused to allow it. He had felt helpless back in the cages; unable to protect himself or Kate, and he had hated the feeling. Now, finally, he was free and he had every intention of delivering both women safely back to camp.

He was more tired than he had ever been in his life and the urge to just lay down and give up was getting stronger by the minute. For the first time in his life, he had someone else to worry about; to care about; and that took some getting used to. But all it took was one glance down at Kate, who slept beside him with her cheek and hand resting on his leg, and he knew it was all worth it. He could always sleep when they got back to camp.

The more he looked at her, the more he wanted her. He wondered if he could ever have enough. He was torn between the desire to watch her sleep and know she was well rested, and the need to wake her up, pull her over him and kiss her senseless. He was desperate to touch her, but resisted even doing as little as stroking her hair. It surprised him no end that he was willing to let his love for her override his lust.

As though she could read his thoughts, Kate stirred beside him, and she moved her head to look up at him.

“Hey,” she whispered, huskily.

“Hey,” he whispered back, smiling at her.

“I didn’t mean to go to sleep,’ said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

“You needed it.”

“You do too, Sawyer, and you’re still awake,” she replied. When he didn’t answer, she asked,” how long have I been out?”

“Couple hours, I guess,” he answered, following his previous urge and running a hand down her hair.

“C’mere,” he whispered, moving his hand to cup her face. She moved willingly into him and pressed her mouth to his.

Reaching down, he grabbed hold of her leg and dragged it over him, pulling her onto his lap. She nestled closer to him, feeling his desire for her pressing against her, spurring her on to kiss him longer, harder, wetter. She felt his hand at the waistband of her jeans, feeling the buttons loosen as he undid them; raising a little as he slid his hand inside. She tore her mouth away and threw her head back as she moaned, and he took advantage of her exposed neck, sucking hard on her soft skin.

A gentle snore from nearby penetrated her foggy aroused mind, and she turned her head to see Alex moving restlessly in her sleep.

“Sawyer, wait,” she whispered, reaching down to stop his wandering hands. “We can’t.”

“Sure we can, Freckles,” he muttered against her skin, trying to put his hand back where it had happily been nestled just a few seconds ago. He groaned when she stopped him again and he looked up at her in desperation. “Come on, Freckles,” he pleaded.

“She might wake up,” Kate shook her head and moved off his lap to his chagrin.

“So what?” Sawyer groaned.

“So,” Kate answered, “she doesn’t need to see us going at it. Poor kid’s never even seen people French kiss before.”

Sawyer looked at her in disbelief. “You’re kidding?”

Kate shook her head. “She wants you to give her boyfriend some pointers,” she said, grinning.

“Well, hell,” Sawyer grinned back, reaching to drag Kate back onto his lap, “then let’s show the girl how it's done.”

“Stop it,” she said, pushing him away and laughing. She leaned against him, her cheek against his chest. “It’s not just her. What if someone else comes by?”

Sawyer scowled petulantly and muttered something under his breath about cameras.

“What are you saying about cameras?”

He looked at her guiltily and took his time answering. “I think there may have been cameras back at the cages.” He looked at her sideways, afraid of her reaction.

“I know,” she answered, matter-of-factly. “I kind of figured there would be.”

Sawyer looked surprised. “And you knew that and you still…” He stopped and a broad grin crossed his face. “Hell, Freckles, never figured you for an exhibitionist.”

She laughed and punched him lightly in the shoulder. “Pervert. I’m not.” She looked up at him, seriously. “I just didn’t care right then.”

“Why not?” His voice was quiet.

She waited a moment before answering. “I’d rather live a moment of embarrassment than a lifetime of regret,” she answered, simply. “And if Pickett had made good on his threat of killing you, I didn’t want to regret having never made love with you.”

“So, you only did it coz you thought I was dying?” he asked, not looking particularly happy at this revelation. She smiled at him, marveling again at how insecure he could really be.

“No, Sawyer,” she said, touching his face gently. “I did it because I needed you. You, Sawyer. I needed to be with you. To feel you. For you to feel me.” The look on his face was so intense, she felt a sudden need to back away and lighten the mood.

“Plus, I figured you could die happier, having had some wild jungle sex,” she grinned.

The look that flashed on his face was so fast that she almost missed it… almost.

“What?” she asked, trying to interpret the look, which had seemed to her like guilt.

“Nothin’” he answered, trying to look nonchalant.

“Sawyer, what?” she asked again, moving back to look at him curiously. Suddenly, the guilty look was back and she felt her stomach drop. “What?”

He sighed and steeled himself for her reaction. Finally, he said, “I had sex with Ana Lucia.”

Kate fell into a stunned silence. She was not expecting that.

“You had… When?”

“Just before Mike killed her,” he answered quietly. “That’s how she got my gun.”

Kate found that she couldn’t look at him; couldn’t be this close to him; not before she processed all this new information. He tried to reach for her when she moved away, but she held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t.”

He didn’t try to stop her as she edged away from him, moving to sit a foot away. They both sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I didn’t think you even liked her,” Kate said, finally, looking at the ground.

“It wasn’t like that,” he answered. “She wanted a gun and I wouldn’t give it to her. Then she jumped me. Next thing I know, she’s kissing me.”

“You could have stopped it.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Truth is, Freckles,” he sighed, “I was jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?”

“You and Jack,” he answered, quietly.

“What?” she asked, incredulously, looking at him for the first time since she had moved away.

Sawyer shrugged, unable to look at her. “Two of you had gone off into the jungle the day before and didn’t come back. Figured you were doing the nasty.”

“How could you think that?”

“How could I think that?” he repeated, lifting his gaze to hers. “How could I not, Freckles? You just took off with him, with barely a look back at me, not even a goodbye. Like you couldn’t get away from me quick enough now that the good old doctor had come calling again.”

The bitterness was so strong in his voice that she felt a twinge of regret for hurting him like that. She remembered the moment, and he was right, she had rushed off with Jack. She had been so intent on getting back into Jack’s good graces that she hadn’t given Sawyer another thought. But that still didn’t condone his actions.

“And that made it alright for you to have sex with her?” she asked, the bitterness evident in her own voice.

“Dammit, Kate, I was jealous, okay? I wasn’t thinking rationally,” he growled. “I was so damn jealous of the two of you I couldn’t see straight. And then she makes some snide comment about the doc making time with my girl and I lost it.”

Kate felt her anger dissipate a little at the words “my girl”. How long had he cared about her without her even knowing?

“All I could see was him touching you,” he continued bitterly, his eyes staring into the distance as if remembering the exact moment. “So when she jumped me, I thought, what the hell. Not like I was cheatin’ on anyone. Not like anyone cared what or who I did.” He returned his gaze to her as he said those final words.

Kate was silent for a few moments. “But after everything she had done to you,” she said, her eyes resting on the small scar on his left cheek, left there courtesy of the ex-cop.

“Hell, Freckles,” he laughed, humourlessly. “It ain’t like she was the first woman I slept with that I didn’t particularly like.”

“What about the funeral?” Kate asked, a small part of her unable to accept that Sawyer hadn’t felt something for the other woman.

“What about it?”

“You couldn’t take your eyes off her,” Kate said, quietly. “You looked so devastated that I wanted to come to you but I figured you would have pushed me away.” Sawyer didn’t respond, so Kate continued. “If you didn’t feel anything for her, then why…”

“Guilt,” Sawyer interrupted. His voice was so soft she almost didn’t hear him.

“What?”

“I felt guilty,” he repeated. “Hell, I was guilty. I didn’t even know her last name and she was dead. She was dead because of me.” He looked up at Kate sadly. “They were all dead because of me.”

“You didn’t kill her,” Kate said. “Or Libby. Michael did.”

“With my gun.”

“Oh, you can’t be serious!” Kate exclaimed, but one look at his bleak face told her he was. “Sawyer, you can’t blame yourself for their deaths.”

“I can’t?” Sawyer repeated angrily. “You think I don’t realize that it was my gun that killed Shannon? And that it was my gun that killed Ana and Libby?” He looked at her, helplessly. “How can I not blame myself?”

Kate felt all anger towards him disappear and she wanted desperately to go to him and comfort him, but she knew without a doubt that he would reject her attempts. She wanted to stay angry at him for what he had done but she knew that he was right. She hadn’t given him any reason to think that he would be betraying her feelings for him by sleeping with Ana. They weren’t together then and she had gone off with Jack. And the fact that he was telling her about the sex, not hiding it from her, was a huge point in his favour.

“Sawyer,” she said quietly, reaching her hand out to place it on his arm, but he stopped her before she could.

“Just leave it, Freckles,” he said.

“But…”

“Please,” he said, tiredly, closing his eyes. “Just leave it. For tonight.”

Kate watched him sadly, knowing that she could push, but that would probably just make him angrier, so she nodded and dropped her hand.

“You should get some sleep,” he said.

“What about you?”

He said nothing, just turned his body slightly away from her. Sighing, she laid her head down on the ground and closed her eyes, comforted by the small fact that, although she wasn’t touching him, she was close enough to do so.

Skating Through the Break Chapter 6

2006-12-08T10:32:39Z

Chapter Six

They had only been walking for a short time along the beach when they came to a sharp bend, which Juliet led them around. Both Sawyer and Kate stopped in stunned silence as they rounded the corner, staring in disbelief at the small submarine moored to a wooden pier. Even though Juliet had told them about the sub, they had found it hard to believe and still did, despite the evidence in front of their eyes.

Sawyer raised his gun and moved in front of Kate, pointing his gun at the man standing beside the vessel, who was equally armed.

“Relax, James,” Juliet said, noting Sawyer’s aggressive stance. “He’s with me.” Sawyer felt anything but reassured and kept his gun trained on the man, as they walked onto the pier.

“Is she ready to go, Eric?” Juliet asked, stopping beside the sub. The other man nodded and lowered his gun.

“Almost,” he answered. “Was just waiting for you.” As he climbed into the open hatch and disappeared from view, Juliet turned to face the others.

“Eric will drop you at your island, but you’ll be a couple of days walk from your camp. Alex, you need to lead them to the old medical hatch; the one where Ethan took Claire. I believe Kate knows the way from there?” She looked at Kate for confirmation, who nodded.

“No,” Alex stated firmly. “I’m not going with them. I need to talk to you.”

“Now isn’t the time,” Juliet responded, gently. I know you have a thousand questions, honey,” she said, moving to stroke Alex’s hair, “but its going to be dangerous here for awhile and I need to know that you’re safe.”

“But what about Karl?” Alex continued. “I need to find him and make sure…”

“I’ll find out about Karl,” Juliet interrupted. “I don’t know where he is, but I’ll find out.” She smiled soothingly. “Trust me, sweetheart.”

“Trust you?” Alex cried. “How can I trust you? You’ve been lying to me my whole life.”

“I’ve never hurt you, Alex. You’re my daughter.” When Alex opened her mouth to dispute the statement, Juliet raised her hand to stop her. “Whether I gave birth to you or not, you are my daughter. I know I should have told you sooner. But right now,” she moved closer to Alex and took hold of her arms gently, “you need to go with James.”

She looked over at Sawyer and Kate, who were watching the interaction with interest. “Will you protect her?” After he nodded, she stared at him coldly. “Be assured, your life will mean nothing to me if you don’t.”

“My life means nothing to you now,” he answered back just as coldly. She stared at him for a moment before allowing a small smile to cross her face, and nodding slightly as if conceding the point.

“Let me put it this way then,” she smiled, her face belying the menace in her words. “If you don’t protect her, I’ll hunt you down.”

“What about Jack?” Kate asked.

“I’ll protect him,” Juliet answered.

“I’ll be hunting you down, blondie, if you don’t,” Sawyer responded, a similar smile to hers on his face. She looked at him with something bordering on respect, and then nodded.

“We have a deal then.” She turned back to Alex and moved to embrace her. The girl looked at her coldly and stepped away, moving to stand beside Kate. Juliet failed to hide the disappointment on her face. “I’ll be back for you as soon as I can,” she promised her daughter.

Tears in her eyes, Alex stared at her mother for a second, before whispering, “I don’t care,” then turned and walked the few steps required to climb into the sub.

Kate made to follow but stopped when she realized that Sawyer was still facing Juliet.

“Sawyer?”

“You go ahead, Freckles,” he answered, not taking his eyes off Juliet. “I’m right behind you.” When she didn’t move, he sighed and turned to face her. “Dammit, Kate,” he growled. Kate scowled but disappeared into the hatch.

Sawyer returned his attention to Juliet. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because it's time,” she answered simply.

Sawyer took this in before asking, “how can I be sure you’ll protect Jack?”

“I can’t give you a guarantee, James, not one that you would believe or trust,” she answered. “All I can offer is my word that I’ll do everything in my power to protect him. Plus, I’ve left my daughter in your care and I have to trust that you’ll take care of her.” Sawyer nodded and she smiled. “Don’t worry about Jack. He’s too valuable.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Sawyer scowled.

“Good luck, James,” Juliet smiled, enigmatically, before turning and walking away down the pier. Sawyer watched her leaving, turning when he heard a voice behind him.

“We leaving some time this century?” Eric called from the hatch. Sawyer walked over and moved to climb into the sub, scowling at the man for good measure.

***********************************

In less than an hour, they were standing on a pier on their island. Eric had let them out, handed them two flasks of water and turned the sub back towards the other island.

“Home sweet home,” Sawyer mentioned finally, secretly feeling relieved that they were at last back on their own island. He turned to face Alex, who was watching the sub sink beneath the water sadly. “You know the way, kid?”

After a pause, she looked at him and nodded. Mutely, she turned and led them off the pier and into the jungle.

Both Kate and Sawyer were tired and found that weren’t able to walk particularly quickly and Alex often had to stop and wait for them to catch up. Sawyer thought about Juliet’s words, that they were two days walk from their camp, and he was ready to say “to hell with it”. He didn’t know if he had two full days of walking in him right at this point. Maybe after a few days’ rest and sleep, and God knew that wasn;t going to happen any time soon.

Kate noticed that Sawyer was slowing down and needed to rest, although he would never admit it. She looked up at the sky, trying to get a sense of the time. She didn’t think dusk was far away and she called out to Alex to stop as they entered a small clearing.

“We need to make camp for the night,” she said when the girl rejoined them. “It’s going to be dark soon and we need to get some food.”

“Do you think we can risk a fire?” Sawyer asked, looking at Alex.

“A small one, maybe,” she replied. “I doubt anyone will be along this way now. And our village is still pretty far from here.”

“Village,” Sawyer muttered, shaking his head in amazement. “You got a damn village.” He moved off towards the right and Kate stopped him.

“Where are you going?”

“Wood, Freckles,” he replied. “You guys go get some fruit or something.” He grinned down at Kate. “You’re the boar expert. Go catch me a boar, woman.”

“I thought the man was supposed to be the hunter,” she grinned back.

“Not in this relationship, sweetheart.”

She laughed. “I don’t know about a boar, but I might be able to manage a rabbit.”

“No bunnies,” Sawyer instructed seriously, the grin dropping from his face. “You just leave the damn bunnies alone.” He thought about the rabbit that Ben had supposedly killed while Sawyer lay strapped to the table.

Shaking his head of unpleasant memories, he looked back at Kate. “Just go climb some trees, Freckles.” He headed back into the jungle but stopped when he noticed Kate was still watching him, anxiously. “What?”

“Nothing,” she answered, trying to look as if she wasn’t worried about him. “It’s just… do you think we should be going in different directions? I just think we should maybe stick together.”

Sawyer watched as she chewed on her bottom lip in a nervous gesture and he realized what was going on. She was still worried about him, as she had been back at the cages; terrified that if she wasn’t around, something would happen to him and that he wouldn’t come back. He walked over to her and kissed her soundly. “Pickett’s dead, Freckles,” he whispered to her. “I’ll be fine.”

Kate took a deep breath and nodded, forcing a smile to her face. She really hated that he could read her so well. He smiled again and walked into the jungle.

“Come on, Alex,” she called to the girl, who had been standing watching the couple with interest. The two women came across a small patch of fruit trees only metres from the clearing and Kate quickly scaled a tree, dropping the fruit down to Alex.

“Kate?” Alex called, “can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Kate answered, shimmying further along the branch. When Alex remained silent, Kate looked down, noting with interest that Alex looked embarrassed. “What?”

“I was, um, just wondering,” Alex stammered. She took a deep breath as if to steel herself. “Have you kissed a lot of men?”

Kate nearly fell out of the tree. Once she regained her balance, she looked down, curiously. “Why do you ask?” When Alex just continued to look at her expectantly, Kate sighed. “A few. Why?”

Alex continued to look embarrassed and unsure, and Kate sighed. She judged that they had enough fruit and so, quickly dropped back to the ground. “Just ask, Alex,” she smiled encouragingly, as she stood in front of the younger woman.

“Does he kiss like other men?” she asked finally, looking in the direction of where Sawyer had disappeared.

“I take it you mean Sawyer,” Kate smiled.

“I thought his name was James?”

“It is, but if you want him to answer you, I’d probably go with Sawyer,” Kate laughed. “And I guess he does. Why?”

“I’ve never seen anyone kiss like that before,” Alex answered.

At first Kate was surprised at Alex’s statement until it occurred to her that the girl had never been off either island. She wasn’t even sure how much contact they had with the outside world. She couldn’t imagine that they even had television.

“That’s why I was wondering if Sawyer was, like, doing something different or something,” Alex continued.

Kate bit her lip from smiling as she thought about Sawyer’s style of kissing. She was so in immersed in her memories of their passionate encounters to date, that it took a while for her to notice that Alex was talking to her.

“Sorry,” she said, sheepishly. She smiled at the girl, noting that she was still waiting for an answer. “I suppose, technically, the answer would be no, he doesn’t do anything different. But, the thing about kissing, is that is has a lot to be do with feelings.” Alex looked as though she didn’t follow.

“How you feel about the person changes how you feel about the kiss," Kate elaborated. "A kiss with someone you care about can be technically the same as a kiss with someone you just met, but feel completely different.”

“So, is Sawyer a good kisser?”

“He is spectacular,” Kate whispered without thinking, before realizing what she was doing. For someone who guarded her feelings so tightly, she couldn’t believe she was talking like this to someone she hardly knew. And yet, she realized she was enjoying it; this talking like two girlfriends. She hadn’t had the experience growing up and it occurred to her that it was just another fun part of life that she had missed out on.

“We should be getting back,” she said, quietly, bending to pick up some of the fruit.

“Do you think he’d give Karl some pointers?” Alex asked, contemplatively as she helped pick up the fruit. Kate bit her lip to keep from laughing. She could just picture Sawyer’s face.

“Ask him,” she suggested finally, barely able to contain her mirth.

Skating Through the Break Chapter 5

2006-12-02T18:15:08Z

Chapter Five

They weren’t waiting long. A frustrated scream ripped through the jungle and before either of them could react, Alex’s angry voice filtered out from behind them.

“Let me go! Let! Me! Go!”

“Shut up!” an angry male voice yelled back. “I know you’re out there, James!”

Sawyer dropped his head in angry frustration. It was Pickett.

“Come down to the beach, James, or she dies!”

Sawyer looked over at Kate, who shook her head furiously. “You can’t go out there, Sawyer,” she whispered.

“And if he kills her, it’s on me,” he whispered back.

“He won’t kill her. She’s one of them.”

“You sure about that? Freckles, I saw his eyes. The man is insane. I can’t let him kill her.” They quickly walked the few feet towards the beach, still hidden within the trees along the shore. They could see Pickett standing there, one arm wrapped tightly around Alex, the other holding a gun to the girl’s head.

“I’m losing patience, James. Come on out and bring your little girlfriend with you!”

“You stay here,” Sawyer instructed. “And keep down.”

“We’ve already been through this, Sawyer,” she stated. “We’re in this together.”

“I’ll count to five, James!”

He got to four before Sawyer growled, “dammit!” and stepped out onto the beach.

“Long time no see, blockhead,” Sawyer said congenially, his arm stretched in front of him, the gun at the end pointed at Pickett’s head.

“Where’s your girlfriend?”

Not risking a backwards glance, Sawyer was pleased to hear that Kate hadn’t followed him onto the beach. “A long way from here,” he answered. Pickett didn’t look like he believed him.

“How bout you drop the gun,” he instructed.

“How bout no.”

“I’m serious, James,” Pickett said, pushing the gun against Alex’s head, making her cry out.

“You won’t shoot her,” Sawyer said, feeling bad at Alex’s discomfort but not willing to give up just yet. He was just looking for his chance to take control of the situation. “You may be nuts, but even you wouldn’t shoot one of your own people.”

Pickett laughed. “Got bad news for ya, James. She ain’t one of us.” Alex gasped and tried to turn around, but he held her still. “Oh, come on, Alex. You must’ve known.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” she cried, struggling in his grasp.

“Okay, stop moving,” he growled, hitting her on the head with the gun, making her cry out again. Sawyer scowled and leveled his gun, ready to take any chance that presented itself, if he could only get a clean shot. He didn’t want to risk shooting her himself. Alex stopped struggling, allowing Pickett to return his attention to Sawyer.

“Now, where was I? Oh yeah, you ain’t one of us,” he spoke conversationally, as if there weren’t guns pointed at people.

“But, Mom...” Alex started, tears in her eyes.

“Mom?” Pickett laughed, cruelly. “You’ve never even met your Mom.”

“Juliet…” Alex said, before he interrupted her again.

“Geez Alex, keep up. Juliet is not your mother,” he said, as if he was speaking to a child.

“Yes, she is,” Alex cried, the tears streaming down her face freely.

“I thought you were smarter than that. Didn't you notice you look nothing like her?”

Sawyer had had enough and was ready to risk hitting Alex if it meant shutting the crazy man up. It hurt him to see Alex so distressed… she was just a kid, for God’s sake. To Sawyer's disappointment, Kate had had enough too and his heart sank as she stepped out onto the beach from his right.

“Let her go, Pickett,” she called out, gathering his attention. She had planned to try and get around behind him, but the way he was standing made that impossible, so, she’d moved as far to the right as she could.

Pickett was quick and angled himself so he could see both Sawyer and Kate at the same time, keeping his gun on Alex.

“Well, now, I figured you wouldn’t leave lover boy here. Wondered when you were going to show up,” he grinned. “That’s far enough,” he added as she moved closer.

“I said, let her go,” Kate said angrily.

“Just wait your turn, honey,” he answered. “I’ll deal with you as soon as I finish off your boyfriend here. Now how about you both drop your guns. You know you’re surrounded.”

Sawyer laughed. “You’re not a very good liar, blockhead. Firstly, Kate would have seen them, and secondly, you want me dead so bad, you would’ve had them shoot me already.” The angry look on Pickett’s face only reinforced Sawyer’s words and he inclined his head towards the gun. “So how bout you drop your gun.”

Sawyer watched the emotions fly across Pickett’s face. The man was losing it, and fast. Sawyer knew they didn’t have long but still wasn’t ready to risk Alex. A calm and peaceful expression came over Pickett and that worried Sawyer more than anything.

“How about this then?” he said, and the events that unfolded next happened in less than a second, but to Sawyer, it felt like a lifetime. He saw Pickett’s gun move from Alex’s head and she was pushed unceremoniously towards him. The instant Pickett swiveled to point his gun at Kate, Sawyer pulled the trigger, the explosion resounding across the beach. He watched in horror as Kate dropped to the ground.

Pickett fell to the sand, clutching his arm in agony, his gun on the ground, but Sawyer barely noticed. He was running for Kate, his heart in his throat, unable to breathe, grabbing her in his arms.

“Sawyer, I’m fine,” she was shouting at him because he didn’t seem to hear her. Finally, she pushed at him. “Sawyer, stop!” He looked at her in a daze.

“Baby, I’m okay,” she said, more quietly, having finally got his attention. He looked at her in disbelief.

“I don’t,” he whispered. “I don’t… you fell…”

“I saw the look on his face,” she answered the questions he was unable to voice. “As soon as he started turning towards me, I knew what he was going to do, so I moved.”

Still unable to speak, he just stared at her for a moment. Luckily for them both, Kate had the presence of mind to look over at Pickett. He had raised himself to his knees and Alex was standing in front of him, wiping her tear stained face while pointing his own gun at him.

“Sawyer, we need to…” Whatever she was going to say was cut off by Sawyer’s mouth covering hers. She could feel in his kiss how frightened he had been and she knew how he felt. She had felt the same way when Pickett had been pointing his gun at him. And now it was time to finish the evil little man.

She reluctantly ended the kiss and smiled at him, her heart breaking a little more at the tears in his eyes. Times like this she really felt that she didn’t deserve such an intense love as he was offering her… but she was going to take it anyway.

“Alex needs us,” she whispered. He took a deep breath to regain control and then nodded. He stood up and helped her to her feet, before striding across the sand to Alex.

“You did good, kid,” he said, quietly, trying to take the gun from her hand. She resisted until Kate came up and gently put an arm around her shoulders.

“Come on, Alex, give Sawyer the gun,” she said softly. Alex bottom lip trembled and the tears welled up again. “It’s over now,” Kate continued and gathered the girl into her arms when she let the tears spill over. Sawyer carefully took the gun from her limp grasp and looked at her sympathetically. Then he turned his attention back to Pickett.

“You son of a bitch,” he growled, giving his anger free rein and kicking the fallen man hard in the face. Pickett fell back, grabbing at his face with his free hand, while his arm bled into the sand. “If I had the time to wait, I’d sit here and watch you bleed to death.” Pickett just looked up at him, his eyes wild and insane.

“Don’t kill him,” Alex said from behind him.

“If I don’t kill him, he’ll just keep coming after us,” Sawyer replied, his eyes never leaving Pickett.

“He knows what happened to Karl,” she said, as she and Kate moved to stand on either side of Sawyer.

“And he knows you helped us,” Kate argued. “He could get you in trouble.” But she didn’t want Sawyer killing him either. She knew he had killed someone; she didn’t know who; but she also knew that it ate at him, and the last thing she wanted was another murder on his conscience.

“Kate’s right, Alex.” They all whirled at the sound of another woman’s voice from behind them, Sawyer aiming at the blonde who stepped out of the jungle.

“Mom!” Alex cried, running to embrace her.

“Jules, thank God!” Pickett tried to struggle to his feet, but another well-placed kick from Sawyer sent him reeling back to the ground. “Son of a bitch,” he cried, grabbing at his once-again-broken nose. “Jules, help me.”

“I don’t think so, Danny,” Juliet said softly, her arm around Alex. She kissed Alex on the forehead and released her. She began walking closer to where he lay sprawled on the sand, completely ignoring the gun that Sawyer had trained on her. His eyes never leaving her face, Sawyer moved slightly away from her, subtly placing himself between Kate and Juliet.

Juliet looked down at Pickett. “You’ve been a loose cannon for some time now, Danny,” she said, softly. “Colleen managed to keep you in line most of the time, but now she’s gone. And I’m very sorry that she’s gone, Danny. But you crossed the line when you threatened my daughter.”

”Jules, what are you…”

“I’m sorry, Danny,” she said. In a fluid movement, she reached under her shirt, whipped out a gun and shot him in the chest. Alex screamed and Sawyer and Kate stared in disbelief. Pickett made a few gurgling sounds, then died, his eyes wide open with shock. Juliet looked at him impassively for a few moments before turning around.

Still unable to believe what had just happened, Sawyer kept his gun pointed at her. As they stared at each other, he noticed that she still had that same look; that look of unaffected calm that she had worn every time he had seen her. Finally, she turned the gun around and held it to him, butt out.

Kate reached out and took it. “Why are you doing this?” she asked. “Why did you kill him?”

“Danny has been a problem for some time now,” Juliet answered. “And then he made the mistake of threatening Alex. Now, if you follow me, I’ll get you back to your island.”

“You think we’re gonna fall for that?” Kate said with a laugh.

“Do you want to go home?” Juliet asked, calmly.

“Mom, what’s going on?” Alex asked, quietly. “What about Ben?”

Juliet regarded Alex silently, then spoke. “Ben is not a good person, sweetheart. And he’s been in charge too long. There are some of us here who wanted a change. We had the perfect plan but Jack,” she looked over at Sawyer and Kate, “ruined that plan when he decided to play the hero and save you two.” She turned back to Alex. “So, I’m fixing the mistake, so I can still get the result I want.”

“So, what? Now you’re on our side?” Sawyer said, sarcastically. "You expect us to believe that you’re gonna save us now after threatening to kill Kate and locking us in cages?”

“I would have thought that my killing Danny would have gained a little of your trust, James,” she answered. When he said nothing, she continued. “You can either come with me or not, but this is your only chance.”

“Where are you taking them?” Alex asked.

“To the submarine.”

Sawyer and Kate stared at each other in shock, before turning to Juliet and speaking in unison.

“You have a submarine?”

Skating Through the Break Chapter 4

2006-12-02T13:15:23Z

Chapter Four

It was a good hour later when Sawyer halted Kate with a hand on her arm, causing her to look at him questioningly.

“You hear that?” he asked. She turned to look in the direction he was facing and concentrated.

“The ocean," she said finally. Sawyer nodded, then turned to see where Alex had gone.

“Hey, kid,” he hissed in the general direction.

“My name is Alex,” she said, seeming to appear from nowhere.

“Whatever. Where the hell we going? Beach is that way.” He inclined his head towards the sound of the waves.

“They’ll expect you to follow the beach,” she replied. “If we stay just short of it and still follow it, we’ll be better off. Anyway, we’re nearly there, so come on.”

They followed her for another ten minutes before she stopped them, with a curt “wait here”.

Kate watched as Sawyer walked to the nearest tree and leaned his back against it. He put both his hands, one still holding his gun, on his knees and breathed deeply. He then stood straight again but leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes. He looked so exhausted it tore at her heart.

She took the two steps it required to close the distance between them and placed her on his chest, quietly saying, “hey”. He rolled his head slightly, so he could look down at her without moving it from the tree.

“Hey yourself.” His voice rumbled through his chest beneath her hand, and she raised her free hand to gently caress the side of his face. He tilted his face into her palm and closed his eyes.

“You look tired,” she said, her voice laced with concern.

He laughed shortly, not opening his eyes. “Baby, I passed tired a couple days ago.” She smiled sadly and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. After a moment, his arms came up to hold her loosely.

They stayed like this for a few minutes, taking a moment to rest and be together.

“Sawyer?”

“Mmmm?”

“Do you think we’ll ever get out of this?” When he didn’t answer, she raised her head to look at him. “Do you think we’ll ever be safe again?”

Sawyer still did not answer, but she could see that he had opened his eyes and seemed to be staring blankly into the distance. Finally, he sighed.

“I don’t know about safe, Freckles,” he answered. “Knowing a bit more about those people, I don’t think we’re gonna be safe anywhere.” He sighed again and kissed the top of her head, tightening his hold on her. “But yeah, I think we’ll get out of this.”

When she responded in kind, tightening her own hold, he felt a fierce protective surge. “Don’t worry about it, Freckles,” he whispered into her hair, “I’ll do whatever it takes to get you home... and safe.”

Kate raised her head and studied him. For a man who lived his life conning people and hiding his emotions, when it came to her, his face was as obvious as a neon sign. The love he felt for her was so blatant that she was surprised she hadn’t noticed it earlier. Maybe he had just given up the pretense and no longer cared that she could see it, which pleased more than she cared to admit.

Placing both hands on his face, she made him look at her.

“No, Sawyer,” she whispered, looking deep into her eyes. “Not whatever it takes.” Before he could respond, she leaned up and kissed him.

She noticed with a trace of surprise at just how easy it had become to just kiss him. None of their kisses had been awkward; not even their first kiss, borne of necessity and surprising to both in its intensity, revealing a secret longing that neither of them were ready to profess or even admit to themselves.

Their second had been so quick and unexpected that Kate had been able to do nothing but move into it and enjoy it while it lasted.

Their third kiss, the first initiated by her, had been filled with desperation and need, and of fear; fear that this may have been their last night together. But now, the kiss was like a natural progression; like it was the most normal thing in the world for the two of them to be locked at the lips.

It started slow and gentle, soft, but soon it wasn’t enough. Moving her hands to the back of his head, she pulled him closer and slid her tongue into his mouth, encouraging his to tangle with hers. Sawyer groaned and grabbed her hips, dragging her closer to him, locking their lower bodies together. She wanted to climb on him; to drag him to the ground and start tearing at his clothes; to feel him inside her again. She moaned deep in her throat and felt Sawyer’s arms tighten around her. She could barely breathe and she didn’t care; she was drowning in him and loving every glorious minute.

She whimpered when his mouth left hers and reached for him again, but he had moved his head tormentingly out of her reach. She noticed that he was no looking at her and she followed his gaze to see him looking at Alex with interest. The look of embarrassment on the girl’s face almost made Kate laugh, but there was something else there. If Kate didn’t know better, she would have said it was awe.

After a lengthy silence, Sawyer spoke. “Do something for you, kid?”

“Uh, yeah, um, we, ah, we need to, um, go,” she stammered, turning to walk in the direction of the beach. Kate reluctantly moved out of Sawyer’s embrace, taking his hand and walking beside him after Alex.

“Do you think she was embarrassed?” she asked him quietly.

“Beats me,” he answered. “You’d think she’d never seen anyone kiss before.”

From in front of them, they heard her muttered yet audible words. “Not like that.”

Kate bit her bottom lip in a grin and moved closer to Sawyer, wrapping both her arms around his and leaning against him as they approached the shore.

“Over here,” Alex said before they stepped onto the beach. They followed the direction of her arm and saw a small canoe hidden under some bushes. Disengaging himself from Kate, Sawyer walked over to check it out.

“Karl made it for me,” Alex said, her voice breaking. She noticed Kate looking at her sadly and she ducked her head, turning slightly away. Unsure of what to do, Kate stepped over and touched the girl gently on the shoulder.

“I’m sure he’s okay.” Alex looked up at her, hope written all over her face.

“Do you really think so?”

“Of course,” Kate smiled at her, secretly glad that she was so good at lying. She [I]didn’t [/I]think Karl was okay. The first night that she had spent in the cage across from Sawyer, he had told her about the boy in the cage, and their escape attempt. If Sawyer’s description was anything to go by, Karl’s future did not bode well.

“The three of us won’t fit,” Sawyer announced.

“I’m staying here,” Alex said. “I need to find Karl.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Kate asked.

“I’m staying,” the girl replied firmly. Kate looked at Sawyer for assistance, but he just shrugged.

“Can’t force her to come with us, Freckles.”

Kate was about to argue that Alex wasn’t any safer on the island now that she had helped them, when she heard a shout in the distance. She couldn’t tell how far away the voice came from, but she felt her heart leap into her throat at the sound. Before she could move, Sawyer had plucked the gun from her jeans and held it in his right hand, his own gun in his other.

“You two stay here and keep down,” he commanded. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Kate reached for her gun, but he moved it out of her reach.

“We won’t get far in that canoe before they get here,” he answered. “I’ll lead them away and circle back when I can.”

“That’s crazy!”

“I don’t have time to argue,” he said, kissing her quickly. “Stay here.”

He took off in the direction of the voices and noticed a moment later that Kate and Alex were right behind him.

“Dammit, Freckles,” he growled, turning to face her.

“You can’t track worth a damn, Sawyer, and you know it,” she told him. “You’ll get lost or caught… or worse,” she finished quietly. She looked at him and he could see the fear in her eyes. “We stay together, okay?”

Finally, he nodded.

“Come on!” Alex shouted, brushing past them.

“No,” Sawyer said calmly. Alex skidded to a stop and stared at him, incredulously. “We finish this.” He handed the gun back to Kate. “Hide yourself,” he instructed Alex. “They don’t need to know you had anything to do with this.” When she continued to stare at him, he scowled. “Hide, dammit!”

“Please, Alex,” Kate said, softly. Alex nodded and fled into the jungle.

“Come on, Freckles,” Sawyer said, running back for the beach. They found positions behind some trees and peered silently into the jungle, listening and waiting for the Others to come.

Skating Through the Break Chapter 3

2006-12-02T13:12:30Z

Chapter Three

“Okay, that’s it!” Sawyer yelled as yet another tree branch flicked him in the face. Unlike the two shorter women who were able to duck more easily through the trees, he had been hit repeatedly in the head or face by low-lying branches, and he had had enough. At a walking pace, he would have been better able to dodge them, but at the speed Alex was leading them through the jungle, he didn’t stand a chance.

Both women turned to look at him as he grabbed the latest offending branch and proceeded to tear it from the tree. When he turned back to look at them, the branch held triumphantly in his hand, he noticed that Kate was barely able to contain her amusement and Alex was looking at him like he’d lost his mind.

“We need to slow down,” he sighed in exasperation. “You two midgets can avoid these things, but I can’t,” he said, tossing the branch to the ground. He glared at Kate. “And you, quit laughing.” Unable to hide her smile any longer, she grinned at him, placing her hands on her hips and taking use of the moment to catch her breath. She stretched, trying to ease the muscles in her back, and a pressing feeling behind her suddenly brought a thought to her mind.

“Jack.”

Sawyer looked over at her in surprise. He almost looked around to see if the doc was behind them. “We didn’t decide what to do about Jack," she continued. "Should we call him now or wait for him to call us?” As she pulled the walkie talkie from the back of her jeans, she felt slightly guilty that Jack had so easily been pushed from her mind earlier.

“You’ve still got it?” Alex almost screeched her question, moving quickly to try and grab it from Kate’s hands, who reflexively moved it out of reach.

“Of course I still have it,” Kate answered, looking at the younger woman in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Uh, because of the homing device,” Alex answered in the age-old teenage fashion of one who thought anyone over 20 had no idea what was going on.

“What homing device?” Sawyer and Kate both asked, loudly and in unison.

“Duh, the one in the walkie talkie,” Alex answered in exasperation. “I told you about it.”

“No, you didn’t,” the pair answered in unison once again.

Alex looked at them, before scratching her head in confusion. “Are you sure?”

At that, Sawyer threw his hands up in disgust and stalked off to stand a few feet away, before turning back to stare at Alex like she was insane.

Kate took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead, tiredly. “Alex, tell us about the homing device.”

“They put them in all the walkies,” she answered. “They say it's so they can find them if they get lost, ‘cause they’re expensive and everything.” She laughed, humourlessly. “These sort of things don’t grow on trees, Alex,” she intoned, obviously parroting someone. She sighed. “I think it’s so they can keep track of people. They’re kinda controlling,” she added.

“So, let’s just ditch the thing already and get moving,” Sawyer said.

“We need to call Jack first,” Kate argued.

“Dammit, Freckles, if they can track us…”

“You might as well,” Alex interrupted. “They can track you whether you use it or not, so it's not going to matter if you call him now.”

Without hesitation, Kate lifted the walkie to her mouth. “Jack, can you hear me?”

There was a moment’s silence, then, “Kate, I’m here. Tell me the story.”

“You were doing a spinal operation on a young girl and you cut something and her nerves all came out.” She stopped for a second as if remembering. “Like angel hair pasta, you said. You counted to five and sewed her up and she was fine.”

“Good,” Jack’s voice crackled through the walkie. “Now, get going.”

“Jack, there’s nowhere to go,” she said, desperately. “We’re on another island.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This isn’t our island,” she said, looking at Sawyer. “We’re on another island offshore.” She waited for Jack’s reaction and after 30 seconds of silence she spoke again. “Jack?”

“Hang on,” he answered curtly. After a long silence, Sawyer swore.

“This is crazy, Freckles, we need to go.” She held up her hand as if to tell him to wait when Jack’s voice came back.

“Kate, you need to stay where you are and stay hidden,” he instructed. "Help's coming."

“We already have help, Jack,” she answered, looking at Alex. “We’ll be okay."

“Dammit, Kate, you need to stay where you are!” Jack yelled.

“Jack, these walkie things have tracking devices in them,” Kate argued. “We stay here and they’ll find us.”

“Kate, you need to do what I tell you.”

Sawyer reached over Kate’s shoulder and plucked the walkie out of her hands.

“We’re outta here, Doc,” he said firmly. “But we’ll be back for you,” he added, looking at Kate, eliciting a small smile from her.

“No,” Jack shouted, causing Sawyer and Kate to look at each other in surprise. “Don’t come back for me,” he continued. “You need to get home and stay there.”

“We ain’t leaving you behind, Doc.”

“I’m fine here. I don’t need to be rescued.”

Sawyer looked at Kate in disbelief. She grabbed the walkie out of his hands.

“Jack, what the hell are you doing?”

“I need to stay here, Kate,” he answered. “I have my reasons. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not just gonna leave you,” she cried.

“Sawyer.”

Upon hearing his name, Sawyer took the walkie back. “Yeah, Doc.”

“You need to get Kate out of here and make sure she doesn’t come back.”

“Can’t make the girl do something she don’t wanna do, Doc,” he smiled at Kate. He heard the walkie click as if Jack had depressed the talk button, and then nothing for a few moments. Finally, Jack cleared his throat.

“I saw you,” he said simply.

Sawyer looked confused. “Saw me what?”

“Last night… both of you… together,” Jack said, awkwardly. “I know you’re together now.” Kate sighed and dropped her head, watched carefully by Sawyer. He was still insecure about his relationship with Kate; the newness of it all; and he had wondered what would happen when Jack found out. Would Kate look embarrassed; would she think she had made a mistake? He still wondered if she thought she had made the right choice.

“You need to get her home and keep her there.” Jack continued.

Sawyer laughed, mirthlessly. “What, you think ‘cause we’re together now,” he said, emphasizing the word, “that she's gonna do what I say? You obviously don’t know her too well.”

And there it was. Kate lifted her head and smiled warmly at him. He was right. Jack didn’t know her. Not the way Sawyer did. And that was just one of the reasons she loved him.

Sawyer smiled back at her and raised the walkie to his mouth, his eyes never leaving hers. “We’ll be back with reinforcements, Doc.”

“Sawyer, no,” Jack sounded panicked, which confused Sawyer no end. Kate looked at him in bewilderment and he just shrugged. He had no idea what the hell was going on. Why wouldn’t the Doc want to escape?

“Tell you what, Doc,” he said, finally. “Gonna ask you a question. You really want us to leave you behind, you answer it right. You want us to bring back an army, lie. You got that?”

“Lie if I want rescue,” Jack repeated. “Got it.”

“Who’d I meet in Sydney 'bout a week before we all got on the plane?” He could tell by Kate’s expression that she had no idea what was going on, but that was part of the plan. No one but he and Doc knew the answer to that one.

Jack seemed to take some time to answer, which worried Sawyer. He was about to ask again when Jack answered.

“You met my father.” Sawyer sighed. For whatever reason, Jack didn’t want to be rescued. He couldn’t see Kate accepting that fact, but regardless, he had given Jack the opportunity to ask for help without the others knowing about it.

“You sure about that, Doc?” he asked, finally.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Jack answered, firmly.

Sawyer nodded slowly. “Okay then.” He paused for a moment. “Good luck, Jack.”

“What? Which is it?” Kate asked, watching Sawyer for some sign of what Jack wanted.

“Good luck, Sawyer,” Jack answered. “Take good care of her.”

Kate grabbed the walkie from Sawyer and called for Jack.

After a moment, Jack spoke. “Goodbye, Kate.”

“No, Jack, wait,” Kate cried into the walkie. She called for him a few more times but he never answered. After a minute, Sawyer gently took the walkie from her. She turned angrily to Alex and stormed over to stand in front of her. “Why do they want Jack?” she demanded. “Is it just for that operation?”

“I don’t know,” Alex answered, fearfully, wilting under Kate’s furious glare. “Really, all I know is that he’s very important to them. I’m not lying, Kate, you need to believe me,” she pleaded. “Jack is safe. They won’t hurt him.”

A loud crunching sound behind them made both women turn, just in time to see Sawyer lift his booted foot off a rock, revealing the mangled mess of the walkie talkie.

“What did you…”

“Now they can’t track us,” Sawyer interrupted Kate’s question. She pushed him hard in frustration.

“How are we going to contact Jack now?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears. Sawyer looked at her sympathetically.

“How many times did you just call him and he didn’t answer?” He reached a hand up and gently caressed the side of Kate’s face. “He ain’t gonna answer you, Freckles,” he said softly. “He’s made his decision.”

She closed her eyes, leaning her face into his hand as his thumb stroked over her cheek, allowing her to regain her composure, drawing on his strength. Finally, she sighed and stepped back.

“So, he doesn’t want to be rescued,” she stated. “I don’t understand what he’s thinking.”

“Makes two of us, Freckles,” he smiled, wryly. “But then I never understood what the hell the Doc was thinking.”

“He can’t mean it.”

“Look, I gave him the opportunity to let us know if he was under duress, and he didn’t take it,” Sawyer frowned, quickly losing patience. He saw Kate open her mouth to argue and he put a hand up. “Either way, there’s nothing we can do about it right now. Not on our own.” He looked over at Alex. “But let’s talk about it later.”

She followed his gaze, understanding that he still didn’t trust the girl and didn’t want to talk about anything in front of her. She decided to let it go, knowing that she had no intention of not coming back for Jack. She also knew Sawyer well enough that fighting with him at the moment wouldn’t get either of them anywhere. And he was right; they needed reinforcements. She nodded at him in agreeance and then turned to Alex.

“You better be telling the truth about this,” she warned.

“They need him alive,” Alex said, “and cooperative. They treated him heaps better than they did you guys.”

“Wouldn’t be hard,” Sawyer muttered. Kate heard him and smiled, running a hand down his arm soothingly.

“Its not far,” Alex said, turning back towards the jungle. Sawyer sighed and trudged after her, stopping when he realized Kate was not following. He turned to see her looking sadly at the crushed walkie, then take a deep breath and looking in the direction they had just come.

“Good luck, Jack.” He heard her softly spoken words and knew that they’d be back before long. He had no doubt in his mind that Kate wouldn’t let things lie and would be mounting a rescue operation as soon as they got back home. And he knew with the same certainty that he wouldn’t be letting her go without him.

“Freckles,” he called softly, and Kate turned to him; walked to him and leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips.

Skating Through the Break Chapter 2

2006-12-02T13:07:13Z

Chapter Two

They ran as quickly as the dense foliage and heavy rain permitted for a few minutes before Sawyer suddenly stopped. Kate was a few steps ahead but noticed his lack of movement almost immediately and slid to a stop on the soaked ground.

“What?” Kate looked at him curiously.

“What the hell are we doing?” he asked, throwing his hands in the air.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean where the hell are we running? We’re still on another damn island.”

Kate looked at him for a moment and felt the desperation and anger rise in her again. He was giving up again, she thought. She was instantly transported back to the moment in the cages; the sight of him kneeling in the dirt in front of her, Pickett’s gun pointed at his head, knowing with grim certainty that she was about to lose him. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and she controlled them by letting her anger take over.

“What? You giving up again?” she asked, the fury starting to show on her face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You gave up, Sawyer,” she said, walking closer to him, flinging her wet locks out of her face. “You just gave up,” she continued, poking him in the chest to punctuate each word.

“I had no choice, Freckles,” he answered quietly.

“You did have a choice. You could have chosen to fight! You could have done something... ANYTHING!” she yelled in his face. “You just knelt there, letting it happen, letting him kill you!” Her voice started to break on the last two words and she turned her face away from him.

Sawyer didn’t move; just continued to stare down at her, allowing her to vent her anger.

“What would you have done in my place, Freckles?” he finally asked mildly.

“I would have fought!’ she cried, turning back to him. He saw her pull her arm back but didn’t move as she punched him hard in the shoulder. He grimaced, but stood his ground, thankful that she hadn’t aimed for his face. Her whole body was heaving with anger and frustration as she glared at him.

“So, instead you just gave up.” He didn’t answer her, just continued to look down at her. “You know what I think?” she continued. “I think this is what you wanted all along. The reason that you wouldn’t even try to escape, even though you knew what Pickett planned to do. You’ve hated yourself for so long now it was probably a relief to you that someone was finally going to do what you wanted. To end your suffering. You were all ready to leave me there on my own because you wanted to die.”

Sawyer was silent for a moment, his face carefully blank, as if afraid to reveal any emotion. Henry’s voice echoed in his head, “you work so hard to make her think you don’t care, that you don’t need her.” He hated that the crazy old bastard was right. Maybe it was time to stop hiding from her; to show her how deep his love for her really went.

Finally, he spoke, his voice soft. “I don’t want to die, Freckles. For the first time in my whole pathetic life, I have something to live for.” The expression on his face was so bleak that Kate found herself overwhelmed and took a step back. Sawyer continued fiercely, his voice still barely audible over the rain. “And I’m telling you right now, if I had to make the choice over again, I’d do the same damn thing. He was going to kill you if I fought back, Freckles, and I couldn’t have that.” He rubbed his shoulder tiredly. “I did what I felt was the right thing.”

“To die?”

“To save your life? Absolutely.” He said that final word softly, but with such passion and unabashed honesty that Kate felt her breath catch. The look of despair in his eyes told her what she tried so hard to deny; what she had known along. She had tried to believe that he had just given up; that all the fight had just been drained out of him because he was a coward, or because he wanted to die; because that was the easier answer; the simpler answer. But the truth was right there in front of her; had been throughout their whole ordeal. The truth was that he loved her so much that he was willing to lay down his life for her. And she didn’t know how to deal with that.

She found herself unable to look at him, knowing that her emotions would be blatantly evident on her face, afraid to let him see the love she felt in return for him, the fear she felt at the depth of that love.

“This really isn’t the time or place for this conversation,” Sawyer said finally, breaking the silence. His voice was slightly shaky and it was enough to give Kate the courage to face him. “We need to get moving.”

She wasn’t sure what upset her more; the naked emotion on his face when he declared her life to be more important than his, or the look now, where he had once again carefully schooled his face into blankness. She knew that her silence and inability to face him after he had been so open about his own emotions had hurt him, and now he was trying to pretend that it didn’t matter. But it did, and Kate knew it was her turn to open up her own heart and let him in, as he had done for her.

Before she could speak however, he turned and started walking through the jungle again. Kate followed him silently, her eyes boring into his back, her heart heavy. Her brain raced, trying to find the right thing to say, the right words that would make everything all right again, and she found herself mentally practicing exactly what she was going to say… as soon as she found the courage.

She was so deep in her own thoughts that she didn’t notice him stop until she walked into his stiff back.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, noticing that they were in a small clearing. She watched him as he looked from left to right, then up at the sky. “What is it?”

“I think we need to veer left,” he answered, his voice lifeless. “Our island should be that way. If we can get to the closest point between the two, we may be able to swim for it.” He turned and looked at her, his voice laced with bitterness, “wouldn’t want you to think I was giving up.”

Kate’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

At the sight of her tears, Sawyer’s bitterness faded away and he rubbed his temples tiredly. “Ah, Freckles, don’t do that.”

Silently, she moved closer to him and reached her hands up to cup his face, then pressed her lips against his in a gentle kiss. His own hands tangled in her hair, holding her head closer to his, increasing the pressure on their joined mouths. After a few moments, he lifted his head slightly and gazed down at her with such tenderness that she thought her heart would break.

Not knowing what to say, she finally blurted out, “will this damn rain ever stop?” As if on cue, the torrential downpour was reduced to a trickle and she looked at Sawyer, his face a mirror image of her own astonishment.

“Nice,” he drawled, his fingertips wiping the rain and tears from her cheeks. She moved forward into his embrace, her arms sliding around his waist and hugging him with all her strength. She knew they had to get moving again but it felt so damn perfect in his arms that she wanted to stay there with him forever. She felt quite sure that Sawyer’s tight embrace indicated that he felt the same way.

“We need to go,” she whispered into his shirt.

“I know,” he whispered back, kissing the top of her head, neither of them moving or relinquishing their hold on the other. Finally, she felt his grip relax slightly and she looked up at him. He kissed her again, a gentle brush of the lips, as his right hand slid down her arm, taking her smaller hand in his.

“Let’s move,” he smiled. “We got an ocean to find.”

“What do you mean, find?” she asked with concern as he led her out of the clearing.

“Relax, Freckles, I know where I’m going,” he assured her. “I think,” he added, quietly.

“I heard that, Sawyer.”

He chuckled. “If we can at least find the beach, we can follow the shore line until we see our island,” he reasoned. “Then we find the closest point between the two and work out what the hell we do next.”

“Do you think we could swim it?” she asked, ducking under the branch he held back for her.

“Maybe. It’s a good couple miles. You much of a distance swimmer?”

“I guess we’ll find out pretty soon,” she smiled. “We may not have a choice.”

‘Well, I just hope you brought some shark repellent,” he said dryly.

“It’s a big ocean, Sawyer,” she laughed. “I’m sure the chances of us running into a shark are slim at best.”

“Yeah, you’d think that, wouldn’t ya? But I somehow managed to find one.”

“What are you talking about?”

Sawyer looked down at her. “I told you about the shark, Freckles.”

“Ah, no you didn’t,” she replied. “When was this?”

“After the raft blew up,” he answered. “Toothy bastard tried to eat me but Mike got him.”

Kate was silent for a moment, before releasing a short bark of laughter. Sawyer looked down at her curiously.

“Is there anything that hasn’t happened to you?” she giggled. “In the last 2 months, you’ve been shot, stabbed, beaten, tortured and attacked by a shark. It’s like you’re a danger magnet.”

Sawyer grimaced. ‘Well, it ain’t like I do it on purpose.”

“I don’t know,” Kate laughed. “Sometimes I think you do.”

Sawyer chose not to respond.

“Do you think we should call Jack now?” Kate asked after a few minutes. “He said within the hour. How long do you think its been?”

“Hell if I know, Freckles,” Sawyer said. “Maybe 15, 20 minutes.”

“Well, maybe he’ll call us when he thinks its time?” she suggested.

“Not a good idea. You know they’re gonna come after us first chance they get. He calls and they’re near by, they’ll hear and we’re screwed.”

“Well, maybe it has a volume control.” She stopped and pulled the walkie talkie from the back of her jeans, Sawyer watching as she examined it. Finally, she grinned in triumph. “Found it!”

“That won’t help.”

Sawyer and Kate jumped in surprise, reaching for their guns at the same time and pointing them into the jungle, looking for the owner of the voice.

“Don’t shoot,” the voice spoke again, the bushes rustling as the young girl walked out to stand in front of them. She held her hands up in the air. “I’m here to help you.”

“Course you are,” Sawyer said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “That’s far enough,” he added as she continued walking towards them.

“What do you want?” Kate asked. “Did you follow us?”

“I was on my way to the cages to talk to him,” she said, pointing at Sawyer. “I saw you run past so I went to see what had happened. Then I followed you. I can help you.”

“Why’d you wanna talk to me?” Sawyer asked.

“Could you put your gun down?” the dark haired girl asked, quietly. “It’s kinda freaking me out.”

“You’re one of them,” he stated, not lowering the gun.

“Sawyer,” Kate said quietly, touching his arm. He saw that she had already lowered hers and had even tucked it back in her jeans. He reluctantly dropped his arm, but kept the gun firmly in his hand, ready to use it in an instant.

“You can put your hands down,” she said to the girl. “What’s your name?”

“Alex.” She looked at Sawyer. “I wanted to ask you about Karl.”

“Kid in the cage?” he asked, confused.

“You saw him?” Alex asked excitedly, rushing towards him. “When was this? How was he? Was he okay? Was…”

“Settle down, kid,” Sawyer said, holding his hand out to stop her from getting too close. “He was there first day I was, then they took him away.”

Alex looked down, her eyes filling with tears.

“Hey,” Kate said, moving to touch the younger girl on the shoulder. “I’m sure he’s fine. You just have to find him. And you will.” She smiled encouragingly. Alex seemed to take a fortifying breath and nodded. “Now,” Kate continued, ”we need to get out of here.”

“Right, follow me,” Alex said, running into the trees. Sawyer watched in disbelief as Kate blindly made to follow her.

“What the hell you doing, Freckles?” he asked, incredulously. “You just gonna trust her like that?”

“She tried to help us back at the work camp, remember?” Kate replied. “And I’m pretty sure she helped Claire escape before too.” Sawyer still looked unsure. “Dammit, Sawyer, do we have a choice?”

He sighed and nodded.

“Let’s go.”

Skating Through the Break

2006-12-02T13:01:21Z

I have a new Skate fanfic going to get me (and anyone who feels like reading it) through the long hiatus ahead.

I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter One

“If I don’t get a call from you in the next hour, I’m gonna know something went wrong and he dies."

Jack’s voice crackled through the walkie talkie, distorted by the rain that fell in great sheets all around them. Sawyer felt like he was watching the proceedings from far away; like he wasn’t a part of it. In his mind, it was already all over. He didn’t dare to hope that escape was actually possible. Having that kind of hope would only mean that he would have to deal with dying all over again. He had had his final look at Kate with his blunt "close your eyes, Freckles”, knowing that the last thing on his mind would be the devastation he saw in Kate’s eyes. Knowing that finally, finally, someone loved him so much that his death would actually matter, helped in a small way. It was also quite ironic that he had never feared dying; had wished for it at times; and now that he actually had something, or someone, to live for, death had finally come knocking.

He knew she was furious with him for giving up, but he couldn’t risk her life. He didn’t understand why she couldn’t see how much more important her life was than his. Above all else, she had to survive and he would do whatever it took to keep it that way.

Her distressed voice broke into his thoughts as her words registered. She wasn’t going to leave without Jack? What the hell was she talking about? Didn’t she realize that this was her big chance to escape?

It suddenly occurred to him that Kate probably wouldn’t run. She hadn’t run when he had begged her to; she’d just scaled that damn cage like a monkey and locked herself back up. Stupid damn woman was gonna get herself killed trying to save everybody. Well, he just couldn’t have that on his conscience. And it was at that moment, that Sawyer’s will to fight kicked back in.

***************

“Kate, dammit, RUN!”

Kate’s eyes had barely left Sawyer’s face since her conversation with Jack had begun, but now she saw the subtle change in his expression. His face had hardened from its look of resigned despair to a look she knew well; he was preparing himself to kick some ass! She locked her eyes on Sawyer’s and noticed his almost imperceptible nod, unseen by Pickett who was watching Kate. His eyes were wide with amazement at how the moment was changing.

Kate depressed the talk button on the walkie and opened her mouth as if to speak, instead flinging her arm backwards with all the force she could muster, hitting the man behind her hard in the face. With a grunt, he fell backwards, both hands coming up to his face, the blood gushing from his now broken nose. Taking the advantage, Kate moved quickly, her leg sweeping out to trip him up, her hands reaching to pull the gun from his grip. She hadn’t checked to see if Sawyer was dealing with Pickett, knowing instinctively that he would have made a move against the armed man the instant that Kate had first acted.

The gun securely in hand, she risked a quick glance behind her, just in time to see Sawyer’s fist plant itself firmly into Pickett’s nose. The blood streaming down the other man’s face told her that Sawyer had already laid a few good punches in. She allowed a quick moment to smile; Sawyer was back!

She saw Pickett’s gun lying in a puddle a few feet from the cage and she ran to grab it, tucking the walkie into the back of her jeans.

“Sawyer, let’s go,” she said, walking up to stand behind him.

Sawyer glanced at her quickly, noting the two guns in her hands, before turning back to Pickett, who was only kept on his feet by Sawyer’s grip on his shirt. He reached into Pickett’s pocket, pulling out the heavily laden keyring, before flinging the older man unceremoniously into the cage that had been his prison for the past week. He picked up the lock that Kate had broken off the night before and looked at it, deciding quickly not to risk it.

“Watch ‘em,” he said to Kate, inclining his head to the men, as he strode to her cage. It took a few tries before he found the right key to release the lock on her cage, before returning to attach it to his own. He had barely clicked the lock into place when Pickett flew at him, causing him to jump back out of the furious man’s reach.

“You killed my wife, you son of a bitch,” he spat.

“I never even met your damn wife,” Sawyer answered back, incredulously. “I was here when she got shot. How the hell could I have killed her?” Pickett’s eyes were wild with rage and, Sawyer noted with concern, insanity.

“You,” Pickett cried, “all of you. You killed her. She was innocent.”

“You wanna talk about innocence, blockhead?” Sawyer said, his own anger rising to the surface. “You think we asked to be here? You think we wanted to crash on this damn island? We never bothered you people, but you sure as hell took the time to bother us. You planted a ringer in the camp, kidnapped a pregnant girl and a damn kid, killed a whole heap more… hell, one of you even shot me.” He leaned closer to the bars. “You started this war… and we’re gonna finish it. So don’t you go talking about being innocent.”

He saw the look on Pickett’s face a mere second before the fist came towards him and he easily dodged it, moving out of reach of the other’s flailing, frantic arms.

“See ya, Pick it,” he smirked, drawing out the name, before turning towards Kate.

“You better kill me now, James,” Pickett railed behind him. “Coz if I catch up to you, you’re both dead.” Sawyer ignored him and touched Kate’s arm, turning her away from the cages, and taking the gun that she offered him. “But I’m gonna do her first! And make you watch!”

Sawyer stopped in his tracks, then slowly turned around.

“Sawyer, don’t,” Kate said. “Let’s just go.”

“Yeah,” Pickett continued. “I’m gonna do her first, James. And I’ll make it slow and painful. And when she’s dead, I’ll shoot you. But I won’t kill you.”

“Sawyer,” Kate pleaded as he started walking slowly back to the cages.

“Be right with ya, Freckles,” he replied, his voice calm, his finger twitching against the trigger on the gun.

Pickett watched him coming. “No, I won’t kill you straight out. You can bleed out and die in pain, but you know what? It’ll be nothing compared to the pain you'll feel from watching the woman you love die. I want you to suffer. Like I had to suffer.” Sawyer stood quietly, a few feet from the cage, while Pickett raved, spit flying from his mouth in his rage.

“You don’t deserve to be loved,” he spewed. “You’re nothing. You don’t deserve anyone giving a rat’s ass about you. You’re a blight. You don’t deserve love!” As he spoke, he kept looking between Sawyer and the gun, almost begging Sawyer with his eyes to kill him.

Sawyer watched him seethe for a moment before he spoke quietly. “That may be so, but I got it anyway.” He made a show of tucking the gun into his jeans, indicating that he wasn’t going to give the man what he so desperately wanted.

Pickett glared at him before turning his gaze to Kate. “Considering the source, I wouldn’t be too pleased with myself if I were you. Some catch you got there, James. Gotta love a woman who’ll do ya in a dirty cage where anyone can see.” He caught the change in expression on Sawyer’s face and felt a surge of triumph and decided to push his luck.

“She’s just a dirty whore.”

Sawyer was already moving for the cage when he heard the gasp from Kate behind him. He reached between the bars, grabbed Pickett’s head and slammed it into the cage hard.

“Now that ain’t no way to talk about a lady,” he growled, before repeating the action, then letting go as Pickett crumbled to the ground.

He walked to where Kate stood staring silently at the evil man on the ground. Reaching down, he gently cupped her chin forcing her to look up at him. Inwardly, he cursed Pickett for putting that look of embarrassment and despair on Kate’s face and reconsidered shooting him. “He’s an ass, Freckles,” he said quietly. “And he’s wrong.” She tried to turn her face away but he stopped her, making her look at him again. “And you know he’s wrong.” Taking a deep breath, Kate nodded and gave Sawyer a slight smile.

“Now let’s get the hell out of Dodge,” he grinned, bringing a brighter smile to her face as she put her hand in his. They turned towards the jungle and started running for home.

Duuuuude

2006-09-24T11:50:08Z

I'm watching "Finding Nemo" on TV at the moment and it's up to the part with the turtles... I so love the turtles LOL Duuuuuuuuuuude

Speaking of Dude, that leads me to Lost, and as those who know me know, EVERYTHING leads me to Lost. I've spending lots of time on the forum today; possibly due to the fact that I COULD!!!! Yes, I'm still very excited to be able to get on the net at home LOL Anyway, I foolishly lurked in the Kack forum from time to time and it really started to piss me off at how those idiots continue to try and deny what's happening. I just want Kate to say that she loves Sawyer so we can all bloody move on. I don't know maybes or innuendos or anything that can lead to interpretation. Seriously, if after she says that she loves him (in no uncertain terms) the Kackers want to continue in their delusion that's fine... I just want it to be obvious to all that she DOES indeed love him. The Kackers seem to think that Kate is perfect and that Sawyer is just a bad guy who doesn't deserve anyone. They seem to have forgotten that she too has a criminal past. With Sawyer, she is able to be herself and not have to be something she's not, like when she's with Jack...

And yeah, I know it's just a TV show but I don't care LOL BRING ON THE SKATE LOVE!!!!!

Oh jeez, now Dory's speaking whale... too freakin' funny LMAO

I'm Back

2006-09-23T03:44:59Z

I have been offline at home since 26 June 2006. Apparently, some asswipe put in a work order to remove the DSL codes from my phone. I don't understand all the technical stuff but it basically meant that I couldn't connect to the internet with my broadband. Whoever the asswipe was, THANK YOU VERY MUCH DICKHEAD!!!! Lucky for them, iPrimus won't tell me who did it.

Anyway, I'm finally back online and I thought I had better update this coz the last post I had was from May telling everyone how miserable I was and I'm completely not and haven't been for awhile. Life is really good.

I'm going to America and I'm quite excited about that. We start in New York, then on to Miami and Orlando, across to Memphis and Nashville, then Vegas and lastly, LA. They're even looking to add in a few more places but I'm happy just to sit back and wait. I've paid my deposit and have the rest of the money I need sitting in an account I can't touch LOL

I'm also very excited because Lost is back on in the US in less than 2 weeks!!!! And now that my broadband is back on, I'm all ready to start the downloading once its on there. No waiting till February 2007 for this little black duck! And from the promos, it looks like Kate chooses Sawyer so YAY!!! That means no more contrived Kack moments (like Kack in a Sack *shudder*) and lots more Skatey goodness. I do love me some Sawyer!!!!

Had a great day on Thursday, despite it being the one day a week I work with the boss. The morning started with me winning tickets on the radio to see the Perth Wildcats take on the Singapore Slingers (Australian Basketball for the uninitiated). Later that day, the promo for the Skate kiss was released on the net so another big YAY. Then the best part of the day....

I GOT TO MEET JASPER FFORDE!!!! And he said I was funny!!! And I mean that in the good way of funny LOL He was no nice and really hilarious to meet and talk to you and yes, I'm sad enough to admit that I was secretly chuffed that he (so bloody funny himself and acclaimed writer) thought I was funny!!! I was very cool about it and didn't go all fan-girly... until I walked away that is LOL

All in all, Thursday was a great day!!! Friday, not so good.

My day was completely screwed around coz Carl was sick again and I had to cover his morning clients, then get over to Joondalup to do my afternoon ones. Thankfully, my last client didn't show so I was able to leave a bit earlier. Went to the Wildcats game that night and it was pretty good. Not like the excitement of the old days when Fisher, Vlahov, Crawford and Grace played, but maybe its also coz I was younger then and had the hots for the Fish LOL

On a sadder note though, the Dockers lost to Sydney which was disheartening. The guys played a good game and hey, they came third for the whole season and that's the highest they've got since they joined the AFL. I reckon next year, Dockers for Premiers and Pav for President LOL Love the lovely Pav!!!!!

Miserable

2006-05-12T11:10:51Z

I am so damn miserable right at the moment, I could cry. In fact, the only thing stopping me is that crying will only make my head hurt more. I'm so close though. I feel so damn lonely. I feel like I could drop off the face of the planet and it would be ages for someone to miss me.

I feel like no one wants me around for me; they want me around because of what I can do for them. I know I sound like a drama queen but I can't help it. I just feel so alone.

And I'm so tired of being sick. I've had to go to the toilet 5 times in the past hour. My head hasn't stopped hurting in so long that I really can't remember. I take painkillers to stop the pain but as soon as they've worn off, the pain comes right back.

I've just had enough. Of everything!

Sleeping Tablets

2006-05-10T07:59:58Z

So, apparently I was completely off my face last Thursday night. I'd gone for about 3 weeks with only 4-5 hours of broken sleep per night and I'd had enough. So, I dug out my sheet of sleeping tablets (which I rarely use) and saw I had one and a half left. So I decided to take the whole one, leaving the half for another time. Anyway, I distinctly recall my doctor telling me that I should make sure I'm in bed within half an hour of taking one. I should probably also point out that I have only once before taken a whole one, normally going for just half (which doesn't do a hell of a lot but that's another paragraph).

So, anyway, I take this pill at about 7.30 then proceed to talk on the net to my sister and watch a bit of TV. I never noticed the change at first, but about 3/4 of the way into "Las Vegas", I DID notice that someone kept moving the backspace key. Eventually, I gave up looking for it (coz every time I used it, it was in a different place the next time) and didn't bother with it anymore.

So, my sister, realising that I was INDEED completely off my face, decides to call me. She told me later that I was completely slurring my words and was giggly etc. Personally, I think she has selective hearing, but hey, that's just me.

Anyway, comes Sunday and my next door neighbour comes over. I've got her completely hooked on Lost and she comes over on Sundays to watch the latest downloaded episode. I hadn't thought anything more of it, but she reminds me of how she came over on Thursday night to return some discs and how I was really weird and (yes, you guessed it) completely out of it. Apparently, I was hanging out the door, saying things like "thanks, chickie" at the top of my lungs in a high pitched squeaky voice, and told her all about how I had taken a sleeping tablet, etc.

So there you have it... I am apparently a complete and utter moron when on drugs. What surprises me though is that I could be completely off my face on one, but half a pill does ABSOLUTELY nothing!!! What's up with that?

Monday

2006-05-08T04:58:11Z

Well, the guilt trip is pretty much over now. I still feel bad if I think about it, but I'm getting better about not thinking about it.

I had to catch the train today to work and I hated it. Firstly, I had to get up half an hour earlier, then I had to stand up all the way from Gosnells to Perth coz the train was packed. Then I got really nauseous on the train to Joondalup. I think its because I was rushing this morning and didn't get the chance to have something to eat. I tend to suffer from motion sickness since my flight over the Grand Canyon 8 years ago (long story... if I'm bored one day I might tell it on here... although I don't think anyone reads this anyway, so its only for my benefit LOL) Then it took me another half an hour to walk from the train station to work! And I have to do it again this afternoon. I'm such a whinger!!!!

It does give me a whole new appreciation for my car LOL She's (yes, my car is a girl and her name is Betty - don't laugh!) needed her first service 2000 kms ago so I had to do it sooner or later. Working so far from home makes it difficult to get things like that done, especially since I work the same hours that most of these places are open. And the public transport system in Perth is shite by the way.

So, I'm still feeling a bit nauseous but I figure if I leave a little earlier this afternoon I can grab something to eat at the shopping centre that is right next to the train station before I catch it.

In other news, Lost is getting good again. I was starting to think it was jumping the shark coz things were happening that just made no sense whatsoever. Now though, things seem to be developing in a forward motion so it's all good.

Nearly vomited at the net scene with Kate and the Jackass. I mean, seriously, they have absolutely NO chemistry together!!!!! And what's with making the Jackass out to be this fabulous hero who can do absolutely everything? I'd love to know how it is that he's a spinal surgeon and yet he can fire a gun with pinpoint accuracy, knows how to set a fuse on dynamite, etc, etc... you get the general idea. It sometimes seems like the show is going from "Lost" to "The Jackass Show"... it seems to be all about him. It's getting to the point where I just feel this deep anger rise in me whenever he opens his stupid mouth on the show. The good thing is that I know I'm not alone in this LOL Spent some time on the weekend talking to Jayne in NZ and I know that she feels the same way on a lot of issues... except that she hates Charlie more than I do LOL

It's getting harder to wait for Thursday mornings now for Lost. I'm almost rabid to find out what happens by that time and because I have clients it's hard to find out sometimes until later in the day. I wanna live in America LOL

Listen to me whinge. I'm the Queen of the Whingers today.

Dad is still not well. He really worries me. Especially since he needs to go and have a blood test and he still hasn't done it. If he does have diabetes, he should find out sooner rather than later, but he's such a man about getting things like that done. Of course, I'm no better. I got a referral for blood tests last month and I still haven't done it, so I can't really talk LOL

And I've been gloating to all my work mates about the Dockers win on SAturday (coz they're all Eagles fans). Was disgusting what the fans did to Chris Judd though and they should be ashamed of themselves, booing him like that. hey, I'm as pissed as the next person that Pav didn't get the medal, but come on people, show a little sportsmanship!!!!

I LOVE my iPod!!!!

Can I jump from one subject to another or what?????

What lurks...

2006-05-06T11:43:26Z

Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men... that's how the saying goes, right? Well, I know what evil lurks in the mind of me.

I'm finding it hard to forgive myself for last night. I apologized to God and I hope with all my heart that He has forgiven me, but I'm having trouble with it. It took me awhile to get to sleep last night... images kept popping into my brain. Even today, while I had a good day, moments would flash into the memory.

I had a wonderful time with Mum, shopping and then watching my favourite footy team win the Western Derby! Then I get home and think about it again. It bothers me that I was so perversely enthralled by it, but the reality of it seemed to shock me out of my fascination. And while it wasn't in fact real, the intention was there and it bothered me. On a good note, it has at least made me realise the truth and I should no longer think about it.

I live in hope.

Breathe

2006-05-04T02:14:47Z

I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.
I am calm. I am one with the universe.

GAH!!!!!!!! SKATE HUG!!!!!!

*runs around the room screaming*

The Weekend

2006-04-30T13:36:41Z

Why does it always go so fast? One minute it's 5.00 on Friday, the next it's 9.30 Sunday night. And damn, I just realised that I haven't washed my uniforms for the week. Bugger!! There goes my plan for a long post. Will promise to write again soon. Will rant long and passionately on my incredible annoyance at possible Sana sex.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

rex_the_hamster @ 2006-04-22T20:31:00

2006-04-22T12:40:21Z

I'm so drugged up at the moment, it's not funny. I have that lovely spaced-out, pain-free feeling at the moment, but I know it won't last. I should probably say that it's legal drugs I'm talking about. I've had so much codeine in the last two weeks that I feel like I rattle when I walk now LOL It's a headache that's doing all the damage and it's fine while the drugs are working, but as soon as they wear off, the pain comes back. And now, I'm whinging LOL

I'm watching "You've Got Mail" on TV at the moment and I gotta ask, what's with people all sitting around listening to precocious kids (who can't sing) singing songs like "Tomorrow"? Is it an American thing? It's just not something that I ever remember in my childhood. I remember some Christmas's where we'd all gather around the piano (when we were at Aunty Dawn's or Uncle John's coz they're the only ones that had pianos) and sing Christmas Carols, but show tunes never really seemed to dominate those moments. Usually, it was more a showpiece for Nana to hear what a wonderful piano player Julie was. I suppose I should have sung "Tomorrow" coz God knows, I couldn't sing LOL And still can't for that matter. The only times I tend to sing now are when I'm in the car on my own. I used to sing at home, but after watching the cats writhing around in agony on the floor, I' ve stopped. I mean seriously, have you ever seen a cat try and put its paws over its own ears and failing that, ramming its head into the walls to try and stop the god-awful noise LOL Truly sad!!!!

Mum and Dad are home from New Zealand and I'm really pleased. I missed them so much. They had a wonderful time and Dad got bitten by a lion. Cool,huh?

I don't think I have anything to say at the moment, so I'll see ya'll later. Thanks for listening.

Bah

2006-03-31T11:44:18Z

I know I'm terrible for writing in this thing. I should be more reliable. In my defence, I've been kinda computer-less for a while but now I have a laptop and its got wireless internet, so maybe I'll start using this again to record my thoughts. I guess I worry that one day I'll get an award for the most boring livejournal ever... LOL Some distinction, huh?

To quote Kim Jong Il... "I'm so ronery..."

sigh....

Left Behind Chapter 11

2006-01-07T10:01:09Z

Hi all, here is part 11 of my Lost fanfic

Enjoy!

Chapter Eleven

Sawyer struggled to a sitting position in the bed and looked with interest at the few books on the headstand. Despite the amount of time he and Kate had spent together in the last couple of days, he was still to find out where the hell he was exactly, why there was a bed and why the hell there were books. He’d even noticed a dartboard and a ping-pong table as they had been walking through the large rooms. Definitely a conversation they still had to have; actually they still had a LOT to talk about. He picked up a copy of “Moby Dick” and dropped it to his lap, turning to the first page.

“How are you feeling?”

Sawyer had barely read the first paragraph, when he looked up to find Sun standing in the doorway to the bedroom.

“I’m fine,” he answered.

“It looks very sore,” she said softly, pointing to his wound. “What happened to the bandage?”

“Fell off,” he answered, with a shrug. “No big deal.” As she came closer, he noticed a fresh bandage in her hand and she pointed again to his shoulder.

“May I?” He nodded and watched as she sat beside him, placing the bandage on her lap. He noticed that she carried a bowl in her other hand, filled with what he could only describe as smelly green gunk.

“What the hell’s that?”

“It will make your shoulder feel better,” Sun answered, as she gathered up a few fingerfuls and gently placed it on the inflamed area. It was surprisingly cool and he sighed softly as it drew some of the heat and pain out. He sat quietly while she tended to him, surprised at the caring attitude she was displaying towards him. Had he ever really spoken to her? He couldn’t recall and he was sure that it would have been sarcastic if he had. And yet, here she was, trying to help him get better.

Sawyer always thought that he was a good study of human nature but some of the people he had met on the island had shown him that there was still a lot to learn. That these people would do what they could to not only save his life but also to ease his pain, when he had been nothing but a jerk to them; it really didn’t make sense.

“Where’s Chewie?” he asked, eventually. When she looked at him in puzzlement, he felt bad. “Sorry, um, I mean, Jin. Where’s Jin?”

“He went with the others to find you,” she said, her mouth forming a straight line in disapproval.

“I didn’t mean to go so far and get lost,” he said defensively. Sun looked at him and he dropped his gaze, feeling embarrassed. She smiled and touched his arm gently.

“I do not blame you, Sawyer,” she said. “I just worry about him.” He nodded, not sure what to say.

“There.” Her quiet voice interrupted his thoughts and noted that she had taped a fresh bandage over the poultice she had made. She stood up and moved to leave, but he reached out and grasped her arm gently.

“Sun, wait.” She stopped in surprise. She hadn’t thought that Sawyer had even known her name. “Uh, I just wanted to say thank you,” he continued, quietly.

“You are welcome,” she said with a smile. She turned to leave again but she heard him start to speak then stop and she moved to sit back beside him. “What is it, Sawyer?” she asked kindly.

“Jin, um, he kept me, uh, well, he, uh…” Sun smiled as she watched Sawyer stumble over his words. He was obviously uncomfortable with being grateful and found it difficult to express the sentiment. She reached down and took his hand, smiling at him supportively.

“What I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t be here without him,” Sawyer said finally. “Without him and Mike. Those others,” he inclined his head in the general direction out of the room, “they would’ve left me there. Hell,” he said with a sarcastic snort, “I would’ve left me there.” Sun grinned.

“The thing is,” Sawyer continued, “he saved my life, and I, well, I want to thank him and I just wondered if you could tell me how to say ‘thank you’ in Korean?” He looked down, embarrassed.

Sun nearly laughed. Not at his request but at his reaction to his own request. The man really hated asking for help or appearing to need anyone.

“Kamsahamnida,” she said, slowly. He repeated it carefully. It sounded strange with his accent but after a couple of tries, he had it down. “Good,” she nodded. “Very good.”

“Well, when you see Chewie, can you find an excuse to get him down here?” Sawyer asked. “Something tells me I ain’t getting out of here anytime soon.”

“I will,” she answered, “but you need to tell me, why do you call Jin ‘Chewie’?”

“Uh, like out of ‘Star Wars’,” he said, sheepishly.

Sun nodded. “I have seen this movie but isn’t Chewie the big hairy thing in the spaceship?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. He watched Sun frown in confusion, and felt the need to clarify more. “It’s just Chewie hangs out with Han Solo, and doesn’t speak English, but Han always seems to know what he’s saying. Jin and Mike been spending a lot of time together, and Mike seems to get him; what he’s saying.” He shrugged. “It’s not like I think he’s really hairy or anything,” he mumbled.

Sun smiled and turned as she heard people entering through the airlock. She recognised her husband’s voice instantly and a few seconds later, she heard Michael as well. She listened to them converse as they walked through the rooms, until they came in sight of the bedroom.

Jin saw her sitting beside Sawyer and walked towards her, Michael in tow. Before entering the room, Jin spoke quickly to Michael, who answered with a “yeah, man, whatever.”

Sun looked between the two of them and burst out with a short laugh.

“You can see it, can’t ya,” Sawyer grinned.

“Yes,” she smiled. “I can.” She leaned over and kissed Sawyer on his forehead. “You rest and I’ll bring you back some dinner soon.” Sawyer watched her leave then found his gaze drawn to that of Jin, who scowled at him fiercely.

“Relax, Chewie,” he grinned, “I ain’t after Mrs Chewie.”

“Was there a Mrs Chewie?” Michael asked, dropping into the chair beside the bed. “I can’t remember.”

“Never mentioned one in the movies,” Sawyer answered, his forehead creasing in thought.

“Read a couple of the books,” Michael continued. “Don’t remember if he was married or not.”

“Do Wookiees get married?” Sawyer wondered out loud. Michael shrugged. “I remember he had a kid.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, saw some cheesy Christmas special kinda movie when I was a kid, and Chewie definitely had a kid,” Sawyer answered. “Chumpy, or Lumpy, or something.”

A burst of Korean interrupted the conversation and both Sawyer and Michael turned to look at Jin, who said something else, throwing his hands in the air and pointing at Sawyer.

Sawyer looked at Michael for a translation.

“I got nothing, man,” Michael shrugged.

“You disappoint me, Han,” Sawyer grinned.

“Anyway, where the hell were you, man?” Michael asked.

“Ah, I went for a walk and got lost,” Sawyer admitted sheepishly.

“And how does that involve your 'Mrs Chewie'?” Michael grinned.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Sawyer answered, looking away.

“Come on, man. We’ve all seen you two. It’s never been a big secret that you got a thing for Kate. And she’s barely left your side since you’ve been here. Where is she now?”

“Taking a shower.”

“See,” Michael grinned. “She’s not here but you know exactly where she is.”

“There a point?” Sawyer asked, gruffly. Michael just shook his head with a knowing grin on his face.

Jin spoke again and pointed directly to Sawyer’s shoulder.

“It’s better, Chewie, thanks,” Sawyer answered, hoping he was giving the right answer. “Actually,” he sighed, “I wanted to talk to you both about that.” He moved in the bed, making himself more comfortable by leaning against the wall.

“I just wanted to, um, thank you for bringing me back; for not leaving me behind,” he said. He looked up at Jin and said “Kamsahamnida” causing Jin to lean back in surprise. Sawyer wasn’t sure if he remembered it right and hoped he hadn’t asked Jin out on a date or anything.

“You are welcome,” Jin said in his halting English, a smile on his face.

“It’s just that…” Sawyer sighed. It was hard for him to say thank you and that made him feel worse. This shouldn’t be so damn hard, he thought! “I wouldn’t be here without you guys and I’m, well, I appreciate it.”

“It’s okay, man,” Michael said, himself looking a little uncomfortable.

“No, Mike,” Sawyer broke in. “If it’d been up to Rambina, I’d be lying dead in the jungle by now.”

“That’s true,” Michael scowled. “You hear she killed Shannon?”

Sawyer nodded. “Bitch.”

“Yeah,” Michael said softly.

“Anyway, I appreciate it,” Sawyer continued. “Especially since I left you behind.”

“Come on, man,” Michael said. “You did the right thing and you know it. If you’d waited for me, or followed me, you’d definitely be dead now and we would have had to haul your ass around further.” Sawyer snorted with laughter, knowing that Michael was right.

“And anyway, man,” Michael continued softly, “you wouldn’t have been shot if you hadn’t tried to save Walt.”

Sawyer looked up at Michael in surprise. He thought that Michael still partly blamed him for Walt’s abduction and believed that Sawyer had only been protecting himself.

The two men stared at each other for a moment, both coming to terms with their own issues about the event, until Michael cleared his throat.

“Anyway, man, I, um, just….” Michael stood up and stretched out his hand to Sawyer. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, man.” Sawyer took the extended hand and shook it, smiling slightly. Jin spoke again and clapped his hand onto Sawyer’s good shoulder. He squeezed it gently and nodded before leaving the room.

“I’ll see ya later, man,” Michael said, then followed Jin.

Sawyer watched them leave with a strange feeling in his stomach. He felt like he had friends and that was weird. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually had a real friend, and yet now he did.

This fought directly against his need to hate himself, because how could he successfully hate himself when other people seemed to like him no matter how annoying he was. Maybe it was the island. He knew the island did weird things to people and made you see and hear strange things. Maybe it also made people be nice to the ass of the island.

He watched Sun walk into the room carrying a tray.

“Dinner,” she smiled, placing the tray on the lap.

“Is that mashed potato?” he asked with a choked whisper.

“And gravy,” she smiled. “It is not real potato, it is out of a packet.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he whispered, gazing down in awe at the plate of food on his lap.

“I also cut the boar meat up so you only need to use a fork,” she added. She placed a glass of water beside the bed within his reach. “Eat,” she instructed as he continued to stare at the food.

Picking up the fork, he dug it into the potato and raised it to his mouth. With a sigh, he closed his lips over it and a moment later groaned in ecstasy, causing Sun to laugh.

“I think I love you,” Sawyer grinned, dropping his fork to the plate. He grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it lavishly. “Marry me.”

She laughed and pulled her hand out of his.

“You know something, Sawyer?” she said, smiling at him warmly, reaching over to push an errant lock of hair out of his eyes. “You’re not as mean as you want people to think.”

Sawyer looked at her for a moment before speaking. “Yeah, I am, sweetness,” he sighed. “I just have my moments.”

Sun could see that he either really believed what he was saying, or he just really wanted everyone else to believe that. Either way, the look on his face saddened her. Picking up his hand, she kissed it quickly, mimicking his previous actions, and felt a sense of achievement when he smiled.

“Enjoy,” she said before turning to leave the room, stopping when he called her name. She looked over her shoulder at him.

“Kamsahamnida.”

Left Behind Chapter Nine and Ten

2006-01-06T02:25:32Z

Here's chapter nine and ten of my Lost fanfic

Chapter Nine

When Kate awoke, she was still wrapped around Sawyer. Carefully raising herself onto her elbow, she gazed down at the sleeping man beside her and smiled. His mouth was slightly open and relaxed in sleep, and she found herself unable to resist leaning over him and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. His lips quirked in response, lifting slightly at the corners, but he didn’t wake and she grinned.

Must’ve worn him out, she thought with an evil grin, before dropping back to the ground beside him. After a moment, she looked out into the jungle, noting how high the sun was in the sky. It had to be close to noon, she thought, surprised that she had slept for so long. Then again, she grinned to herself, looking at Sawyer’s profile, sex was a great relaxant.

Sighing, she rolled out of the crevice, careful not to wake him. She knew they needed to get back to the hatch but she also knew that he needed to sleep to regain his strength. He was still a little pale and the sex, while great, probably hadn’t been the best idea given his weakened state, and he needed to rest for as long as he could. Still, she didn’t regret what they had done, and she knew that he wouldn’t either. It was something a long time coming and it somehow helped to cement their growing relationship. Neither of them was shy about sex and it had seemed the natural thing to do at the time.

Still, she thought, as she stood and stretched her cramped muscles, if he was that good with only one arm and unable to move particularly well, he really could kill her once he was fully recovered. But it’d be a great way to go, she grinned.

As she surveyed the area around her, a terrifying thought began to enter her mind. It suddenly occurred to her that she didn’t know which way back the hatch was. She had been in such a frantic rush to follow the horse and find Sawyer that she hadn’t taken note of the direction or any landmarks. The heavy rain had conveniently erased any evidence of her tracks, that of the horse or even of Sawyer. After some panicked searching, she came across a few broken plants and she examined them carefully, trying to work out how long they had been broken. They looked fairly fresh, so she decided that it would have to do. They’d go that way and hope for the best.

Her growling stomach reminded her that while she had brought water, in her rush to leave the hatch she hadn’t brought any food. She had no idea how long it was going to take to get back to and so needed to gather as much food as she could.

She wanted to keep Sawyer in sight and, more importantly, if he awoke she wanted to make sure she was in sight for him so he didn’t think she’d left him alone. She located some fruit high in a tree not far away and she rolled her shoulders in anticipation as she made her way to it and prepared to climb.

**************************

The afternoon was wearing on as Sawyer finally awoke, roused from sleep by the ache in his shoulder.

“Morning.”

He rolled his head to the side to see Kate sitting a few metres away, legs crossed, watching him with a smile on her face.

“Mornin’, Freckles,” he drawled and squinted into the sunlight. “Is it?”

“Is it what?”

“Is it mornin’?”

“Nope,” she grinned. “Afternoon, actually.” Crawling over to him, she helped him to sit up. “I was just about to wake you. We really need to start back or we won’t make it before dark.” She reached into the backpack and grabbed the bottle of antibiotics. “And you really need to take another one of these.”

“Freckles.”

She stopped her fussing to look at him, and grinned as his hand wrapped around the back of her neck and tugged her forward.

“Mornin’,” he whispered again before pressing a hot kiss to her mouth. She opened her lips to his probing tongue, sliding her own over it, moving closer to him and wrapping her arms around his torso. She heard someone moan, deep and throaty, and realised it was her. She was rapidly becoming aroused again and she slowly, reluctantly, pulled away.

“We can’t do this,” she whispered, kissing him gently, her hand pressed against the side of his face.

“Sure we can,” he grinned. “Already did, if I recall correctly.” He moved in to kiss her again but she backed away.

“Yeah, we did,” she smiled, “but now we need to get back to the hatch.” She held out the pill and water bottle expectantly.

“Spoilsport,” he muttered, taking them from her.

She gathered up the blanket and pill bottle and stuffed them into the backpack as he drank from the bottle. She found herself watching his throat move as he thirstily gulped down the water. Damn, she thought, even watching him drink was sexy. She started to think back to the other sexy things about him; the way his mouth had moved over hers; the way his hand had cupped her breast; the way he had felt when he…

“You keep looking at me like that, Freckles, and we ain’t going anywhere.” She blinked to clear her foggy mind and saw him staring at her, hungrily, his thoughts obviously mirroring her own.

“I knew having sex with you would be a mistake,” she muttered, stuffing the water bottle into the pack.

“Excuse me?” His offended tone made her realise that he had heard her and she looked up to see him staring at her thunderously, his eyebrows meeting in the middle of a scowling forehead. Smiling, she touched his cheek and kissed his rapidly pouting lips.

“I only meant it was a mistake because now I can’t think about anything else.”

He grinned, cockily, his ego placated. She rolled her eyes and passed him an apple.

“Eat this.”

“Yes, ma'am,” he drawled, taking a big bite of the fruit. As he chewed, he smirked at her, still feeling awfully proud of himself. He watched as she shook her head in exasperation, muttered “men” and pulled the straps of the backpack over her shoulders.

He quickly finished off the apple and tossed the core into the jungle, then, with her help, crawled out of the crevice and stood up.

“Ready to go?” she asked, sliding her arm around his waist. He nodded and wrapped his good arm around her shoulder. When she reached up to take his hand, instead of just draping his hand down, he held on to hers. She looked up and saw him smiling down at her. Leaning down, he quickly kissed her.

“Let’s go.”

*****************************

They were never going to make it back before night fell, she thought, as she fought to keep him on his feet. They had been walking for over an hour and she was starting to feel that they were going the wrong way. She hadn’t noticed anything to indicate that either she or Sawyer had previously come that way, and changing course now could mean making their situation worse.

Deciding to go with her gut, she continued leading him in the same direction. She knew that they would have to stop for a break soon; Sawyer had been leaning on her more for the past twenty minutes or so, and she knew he was exhausted. But she knew that once he stopped, he would be harder to get going again so she continued on.

A few minutes later, the decision was taken from her hands. The path they had been walking along suddenly stopped and dropped away. The distance below was only the height of a man and would have been easily accessible under normal circumstances, but it meant dropping down and she knew that Sawyer wouldn’t be able to do it easily, without jarring his shoulder or hurting himself worse. A quick glance at Sawyer took in his sweaty pale face, his laboured breathing and the tired slow droop of his eyes. He’d never admit it, but he needed to stop.

“We should take a break.”

“I’m fine,” he panted, his heavy breathing belying his words. He looked down at the distance. “I can do it.”

“Sure you can, big guy,” she smiled, placing a hand on his chest, and pushing him to the ground. “Later.”

She slid the pack off her shoulders and dropped to the ground beside him. “For now, let’s take a break.” She pulled some fruit out of the pack and passed him a piece before taking a bite of her own. She looked up at the sky and judged the time to be getting close to five.

She blamed herself totally for their current predicament. She should have paid more attention to where she had been heading the day before, she thought angrily, throwing the remains of her fruit into the undergrowth. She sighed and rested her forehead on her knees.

“Uh, Freckles?” She heard the uncertainty in Sawyer’s voice and she turned her head slightly to look at him.

“What?”

“Uh, the, uh,” he scratched his head in bewilderment and she followed his gaze as he continued. “The, uh, the big ass horse is back.”

Unable to speak, she stared in astonishment at the large black head that stared at them serenely from the ground below. After a moment, she carefully crawled towards it, trying not to frighten it away. However, it seemed content to stay where it was, allowing her to drop to the ground beside it, her outstretched hand caressing its long sleek nose.

“Who are you?” she whispered softly, as its head nuzzled into her hand. The horse snickered gently and then looked over at Sawyer.

“Sawyer,” she called, quietly, “come on.” She waited till he crawled over and looked down at her.

“You wanna tell me what the hell’s going on, Freckles?” he asked.

“Honestly,” she answered, still looking at the horse, “I couldn’t tell you.” She smiled up at Sawyer. “But I think he’s here to help us.”

“It’s a horse, Freckles,” he snorted in disbelief. “How the hell…”

“Just trust me, Sawyer,” she interrupted. “I wouldn’t have found you without him so just trust me, okay?”

Sawyer watched her as she continued to caress the horse, speaking to it quietly. She obviously had a connection to the beautiful animal, one that even she couldn’t explain. And who was he to argue with that, he thought as his mind skipped back to his own experience with the boar.

“This is a weird frickin’ island,” he muttered, as he moved to swing his legs over the side of the drop.

“You’re telling me,” she grinned at him. Sliding between him and the horse, she helped him throw his left leg over the horse’s wide back, hoping desperately that she was right about the horse’s intentions and that it didn’t suddenly rear away, causing Sawyer to crash to the ground. Thankfully, the horse remained still until Sawyer was seated upon it, balanced precariously with nothing to hold on to.

Kate had intended to walk beside the horse, but one look at the swaying exhausted man upon it had her swinging herself up behind him. She wrapped one arm around his waist and tangled her other hand in the horse’s luxurious mane as the horse began to move.

________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Ten

This time, Kate paid attention to her surroundings as the horse trekked through the jungle. She hung on to Sawyer with a death grip, knowing that one sharp movement could send him crashing to the ground; held on to the horse only by her arms. And if he started to slip, she doubted that she would be able to stop his descent. And so, the horse continued carefully, picking its way around rocks and small bushes, as though it understood the weight it carried on its back. She shouldn’t have been surprised by the horse’s apparent knowledge; after all, it had not only led her to Sawyer, it was now bringing them home again.

Before too long, the horse came to a stop at the same place she had first seen it in the jungle, and she could see the doorway to the hatch. She smiled in relief and nudged Sawyer, who had been resting against her with his eyes shut.

“Look,” she grinned.

“Home sweet home,” he muttered, leaning forward over the horse as he felt her slide off behind him. Once on the ground, she reached up and helped him to follow her down. No sooner was he off the horse, it threw its head back, whinnied loudly and galloped back into the jungle. They stared after it in silence.

“Well, that was weird,” Sawyer said after a moment.

“Yeah.” She sent a silent thank you to the horse, then turned, wrapping her arm around Sawyer again. “Let’s get inside.”

“Kate!” Sun’s frantic voice greeted them as they walked through the main room of the hatch. She rose from her seat at the computer and ran over to them. “Are you both okay?”

“We’re fine, Sun,” Kate smiled. “I didn’t think it was safe to try and get back last night in the dark, so we stayed where we were.” She looked around. “Are you alone?”

“Claire is with me. She’s changing the baby. Jack has everyone else out looking for you two,” Sun answered.

“When Claire gets back, can you go and see if you can find someone; let them know we’re back and we’re okay,” Kate asked, smiling at Sun as she nodded.

“Where are we going?” Sawyer asked as they walked past the bedroom.

“You need a shower,” Kate replied, leading him towards the bathroom.

“You saying I smell, Freckles?”

“Well, you know, I didn’t want to have to be the one to tell you,” she grinned as she pushed him into the stall and began to unbutton his shirt. Stopping her, he leaned against her, pushing her to the wall and moved in close. He slowly licked his lips, his face just inches from hers.

“If I smell like anything, baby,” he whispered, “it’s you.” He brushed his nose against hers, his lips hovering tantalising close. “You want me to shower so anyone getting too close won’t realise that I have you all over me.” He wiped his mouth over her lips quickly. “That being the case, Sweetcheeks…” His tongue darted out again, this time flicking the top of her nose… “you might wanna take one with me, coz you’ve got me all over you.”

Unable to stand it any longer, she grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him fiercely. She reversed their positions so that he was the one leaning against the wall and pressed herself against him. Unable to contain herself, she kissed him wildly, passionately, her hips thrusting involuntarily against his. She desperately wanted him; wanted to tear their clothes off and have wild mad sex in the shower.

“God, Sawyer,” she groaned, rubbing herself against him. Although surprised by her sudden actions, he eagerly followed her lead, shoving her tank top up with his good hand and finding her breast.

“Kate?”

Kate threw herself back away from him, her whole body heaving as she stared at him, Sun’s voice breaking through the erotically charged silence of the bathroom. Pulling her top down quickly, she turned to face the Korean woman who had just entered. She could tell by the embarrassment on Sun’s face that she had seen enough to know just what was happening, or at least what was about to happen, with the pair.

“Yeah?” Kate said, trying to act nonchalant and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I, uh,” Sun was obviously flustered. “I just wanted to tell you that Claire has gone down to the beach to tell, um…”

“Thanks, Sun,” Kate smiled, nervously. Sun nodded, smiled quickly and left. Kate followed after her and shut the bathroom door.

“Probably should’ve done that already,” Sawyer muttered as Kate turned around. What surprised her was that Sawyer looked as embarrassed as she felt. They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, before they both burst into laughter. Kate walked back to him and into his one-armed embrace.

“I feel like I just got caught by my parents,” she grinned up at him. He returned her grin before leaning down to press a kiss against her lips. “Oh no you don’t,” she laughed, pushing away from him.

“Door’s shut,” he protested.

“And doesn’t lock,” she answered. “Now that word’s out that we’re back, something tells me we’re going to have more visitors. Now help me,” she instructed as she slid the shirt off him. He stood placidly by as she undid his jeans and tugged them down his legs. She could see that he was still partly aroused by the interrupted moment and she licked her lips in appreciation.

“Honey, you don’t want Jacko coming in and seeing something he don’t wanna see,” Sawyer warned, “then you get that look off your face right now.” Still grinning, she reached past him and started the water running in the shower.

“Hot water doesn’t last very long, so get in,” she said. Still fully dressed, she pushed into the shower behind him and reached for the soap.

“Freckles, what the hell are you doing?” The girl was driving him crazy, he thought. One minute, she’s all over him, then she’s telling him they have to behave, then she’s in the shower with him!

“I’m going to wash your back,” she laughed, seeing the confusion in his eyes. “Then I’m going to wash your hair and then you’re going to do the rest yourself.”

“You’re no fun, Freckles,” he said, then moaned as her soapy fingers massaged his shoulders, his knees nearly buckling at the pleasure that roared through him. He leaned forward, touching his forehead to the cool tiles as her hands swept over his back, her fingers teasing at the waistband of his boxers.

“Wait here,” she instructed, leaving the small stall. He turned and placed his back against the wall, watching as she grabbed a wooden chair and placed it near him. “Sit.” She grabbed the bottle of shampoo and massaged it into his long locks, thinking again that she really needed to give him a haircut. Tomorrow, she thought. He wasn’t going to be happy about it and he’d been through enough today. She smiled as he groaned, remembering the last time he had groaned beneath her skilful fingers. Maybe that would be his reward for letting her cut his hair.

She noticed him stiffen in the chair. “You okay?” He nodded without speaking and she realised that the shampoo had trickled into his wound and was obviously causing him pain. She quickly directed the shower head to pour water over his shoulder, cleaning the wound, then tore off her tanktop, wadding it up and placing it over the inflamed area. “Hold this.” She grabbed his good hand and put it over the tanktop, holding it still.

Quickly and efficiently, she rinsed the shampoo from his hair and helped him to stand again. To his shock, she then reached down and stripped off his boxers.

“What the…”

Grabbing the washcloth and the soap, she quickly washed him from head to toe, although he did make a concerted grab for her as she reached his groin.

“Come on, Sawyer,” she said, grabbing his hand and putting it back up to hold the top in place over his wound, “it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”

“Yeah, but…” He was embarrassed. He felt like a useless baby, being washed by his mother. “Stop it, Kate,” he growled. She looked up to see the scowl gathering on his forehead.

“Tell you what,” she smiled, leaning up to kiss him. “When you’ve got use of both hands, you can wash me.” That did bring a smile to his face, and he leaned back allowing her to finish.

Reaching behind him to turn off the water, she found herself pulled up tight against him, the tanktop and washcloth discarded on the floor.

“I’m gonna hold you to that, Freckles,” he whispered, before claiming her mouth with his own. She kissed him back strongly, before leaning her head back and smiling at him.

“Good,” she whispered against his mouth. She kissed him again quickly and stepped out of the stall, grabbing a towel from behind the door. She ran it over his chest and back before wrapping it around his waist and tucking it in. “Now, let’s get you back to bed.”

“What about you?” he asked, although not complaining as she led him to the bedroom. He was tired; damn tired; and he couldn’t wait to lay down again.

“Once you’re settled, I’ll go and have a shower too,” she answered, helping him to sit on the bed. She reached into the closet and pulled out a pair of white boxers.

“Now wait just a damn minute,” he said, as she dropped to her knees, moving to put his feet through the holes. “They ain’t mine.”

“I know that, Sawyer,” she sighed. “But they’re clean and you need to put them on.”

“You sure they’re clean?” he argued, moving his feet away from her.

“Sawyer.”

“Fine,” he growled, pushing her hands aside and struggling into the shorts. Whipping the towel away, he moved to throw it to one side, when she grabbed it and began drying his hair with it. He reached up to stop her, but she slapped his hand away and continued.

“You’re cute when you’re cranky,” she grinned.

“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled. She laughed and threw the towel to the chair and pushed him to lie on the bed.

“Now,” she said, pushing her own wet hair out of her face, “stay there and don’t move. When I get back, we’ll re-bandage your shoulder. I’m going to take a shower. And if you’re good,” she leaned down and kissed him slowly, “I’ll get in there with you and we’ll talk about getting your smell all over me again.”

His mouth sagged open in shock as she sauntered out of the room, grabbing the towel on her way, and said the only thing his sex-addled brain could come up with.

“Damn!”

Welcome to 2006

2005-12-31T18:01:56Z

Yes, it's now 2006 here in the good ol' land of Oz and I am sooo tired!!!!

I had an absolute ball tonight. Went to my friend's place for a party and just had so much fun. No snogging though so that was a disappointment LOL Like I was expecting it anyway LOL

Who know, maybe this will be the year. Not holding my breath though. While it wasn't a bad year, 2005 certainly wasn't a stand out year and definitely do with some improvement. So roll on 2006, let's see what happens!!!

Left Behind Chapter Eight

2005-12-31T08:41:11Z

Okay, here is the next chapter of mt Lost fanfic. It's different from the version that appears on Lost Forum coz it has a sex scene in it. So if you want the PG-13 version, you can read it there. Otherwise, here it is in all its raunchy glory!

Enjoy

Chapter Eight

When Kate awoke, it was still dark, and Sawyer was moving uncomfortably beside her. He had rolled to his back and she found herself draped over him, her hand resting on his chest.

“You okay?” she asked quietly.

He was quiet for a few seconds before answering with a quiet and depressed sounding “yeah.”

“You want some water?” she asked, reaching behind her for the water bottle. She unscrewed the lid and held it to his lips. He grabbed the bottle from her angrily.

“I’m not a damn invalid,” he growled, before taking a drink and handing her back the bottle roughly. When he met her eyes, she looked confused and hurt. “Stop treating me like a frickin baby.”

Silently, she put the top back on the bottle and, moving away from him, rolled out of the crevice and stood up. He could see that he had hurt her with his words and he felt like an asshole. Groaning, he pushed up to a sitting position and regarded her turned back, watching as she rubbed her shoulders.

“Freckles,” he said. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m just… I’m just frustrated, I guess.”

She turned back towards him, regarding him with a carefully blanked face, looking for all the world like he hadn’t just hurt her, although he knew it was an act.

“I hate being like this,” he explained. “So damn useless! So damn reliant on everyone for everything!”

“It won’t always be this way,” she said. “In fact, maybe if you hadn’t gone running off into the damn jungle, sulking like a petulant child, we wouldn’t be here now and you’d be in the hatch actually getting better rather than making yourself worse.” He heard the annoyance in her voice and it bugged him.

“I didn’t go running off,” he growled. “I just went for a walk.”

“But you were sulking.”

“I got lost, okay,” he muttered. “And I wasn’t sulking.”

“Right,” she nodded, in a way that showed she didn’t believe him for one second. “So, you walked for five hours in circles, not sulking?”

“I didn’t walk for five hours, and I wasn’t sulking.” He looked up to see her smirking, an eyebrow raised as if to say “yeah right”, her arms crossed over her chest. He sighed. “I fell over, okay? I tripped on a damn tree, landed on my shoulder and passed out. When I woke up, it started raining and I came here.”

He looked so annoyed to have told her that and so annoyed with himself that she felt her anger dissipating. She still didn’t believe that he hadn’t been sulking though.

He looked back up as she sat down beside him with a small smile on her face.

“You’re not useless,” she smiled, leaning over and kissing his cheek.

“Yeah, right,” he muttered, looking down at the ground. He was quiet for a moment before sighing in resignation. “I need you to help me up.”

His voice was so soft she nearly didn’t hear him. “Why?”

“Just help me up, okay.” Silently, she wrapped an arm around him and helped him to slide out from under the rock and then lift him to his feet.

“Where are we going?” Without a word, he pointed to a nearby tree and she seemed confused. “I don’t understand what…”

“Kate,” he broke in with a sigh, his head dropping to his chest. With a sudden flash, it all sunk in. Tightening her arm around his waist, she hung on as he stumbled towards the tree, then helped him to lean against it on his right side.

“I got it,” he said, moving to turn his back and reaching for the zipper on his jeans. She turned away to give him some privacy but after some creative cursing and about three angry “son of a bitch” mutterings, she turned back and moved to stand in front of him. Because he wore his jeans low and the fact that he had lost some weight, he had been unable to straighten the zipper with one hand and lower it.

He looked mortified and upset and as though the utter frustration and misery was about to make him cry. Without a word, she grabbed the buckle of his jeans and lifted it so the zipper was straight and quickly lowered it. Knowing he could manage from here, she touched his shoulder gently and moved away again.

A minute later, she heard his quiet, “Kate” and she came back over to him. Thankfully, he had managed to tuck himself away and she quickly pulled the zipper back up. Neither spoke as they made their slow way back to the shelter and sat down beneath it.

“Thank you,” he said eventually, unable to look at her.

“You’re welcome.” After a moment, he gazed over to where she sat beside him looking out at the trees.

“This is so messed up,” he said. With a burst of laughter, she reached over and grabbed him to her hugging him tightly.

She smelled good, he thought, his head resting against her shoulder and her hair in his face. He burrowed his face beneath her hair and pressed a gentle kiss to her neck. He heard her sigh softly and she moved her head slightly, allowing him better access. She felt his mouth moving over the long column of her neck, his lips pressing against the pulse that beat more frantically at the base of her throat. She could feel the occasional dart of his tongue as he kissed and licked his way over her throat and her chin, skimming cheeks and eyelids, then down the gentle arch of her nose, before finally taking her mouth.

She moaned, both with pleasure and relief, as his tongue slid slowly and sensuously into her mouth and tangled with her own. Finally, was her last coherent thought, as their mouths moved together as one in a kiss that grew deeper and deeper.

His hand tangled in her hair, he moved to lie on his back, his head resting on the backpack, never once breaking the delicious contact between their mouths.

As the kiss deepened, their passion for each other grew, and it quickly became obvious that just kissing was not enough. Kate’s hands started roaming freely over Sawyer’s bare chest, enjoying the hardness beneath her fingers as she stroked the warm flesh. Carefully, to avoid jostling his shoulder, she rose up slightly and threw her leg over him, moving to straddle him.

Breaking off the kiss, she smiled at him and reached behind her back, flicking the clasp of her bra free and sliding it off. She felt powerful and in control as she saw his Adam’s apple quiver and he swallowed deeply.

“Oh, Freckles,” he whispered, before raising his good hand to cup one breast in his hand. She was so soft and warm and felt so damn good beneath his fingers. He flicked his thumb over the taut pink bud and felt a sudden desperate need to take it into his mouth. He moved to do exactly that, but the movement caused a sharp pain in his shoulder, and he dropped his head back to the ground miserably, his hand also dropping to his side.

“Sawyer?”

“I can’t do this, Freckles,” he said, miserably. “I want to… God, I want to,” he exploded, swiping an angry hand across his face. “We need to wait.”

She leaned over him with a smile and placed a hard kiss on his mouth. “You just leave it to me,” she whispered as she dragged her lips over his chin and down to his throat. Ignoring his protests, which became more half-hearted over time, she spent the next few minutes, pressing hot wet open-mouthed kisses over his chest.

Sawyer felt like he was in heaven, his eyes drifting shut as she continued her sensual onslaught over his chest. Damn, she was good at this! Suddenly she was over him again, her mouth moving hard and hot against his and it took him awhile to realise that she was actually distracting him from noticing her hands feverishly working at his belt buckle. He tore his mouth away.

“Freckles, stop,” he said, urgently. He didn’t want her to know how hard he was, how desperately he wanted to be inside her, and his mind had been just foggy enough to think that she hadn’t yet realised it. He was wrong. Kate had felt him growing hard beneath her and had found herself becoming extremely aroused.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “Let me take care of you.” Before he could think, she had his jeans open and had slid her hand inside to hold him, feeling him hot and hard in her fingers. She moved her hand slightly and he groaned, his head dropping back to the ground. In a quick movement, she had his jeans and boxers down and she finally got a good look at him.

“Wow,” she whispered. She was impressed. She’d seen him naked before, but that had been when he had just come out of the ocean, the very cold ocean. Then, he had been an annoyance; a slightly hot annoyance grantedly that wasn’t really that impressive. Now, she took the time to really look at him; from the top where his straw-coloured hair lay messy and too long around a sculpted hard face; his green eyes piercing into her own, his soft sensual mouth tense; down over his hard muscled chest, coming to rest finally on the hot hard length of him below her. He was very VERY impressive, she thought with a grin. She had never felt more in control and knew that she wanted him right now. Nope, she thought, forget that, she NEEDED him!

Holding him in her hand again, she dropped her head and very gently kissed the tip. He groaned and then moved violently beneath her.

“Kate, stop it,” he cried. He sounded so frantic that she moved quickly.

“Sawyer, what is it, are you okay?” Her gaze moved over him, looking at him in concern, taking in his shoulder. “Did I hurt you?” She took his face in her hands. “What is it?”

“Just stop,” he whispered. “Please.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I want you, Freckles. I really do. In fact,” he added, nodding his head towards his groin, “I think that’s fairly obvious. But not like this.” She looked at him in confusion and he sighed. He gently pushed her off him and moved to lean up against the rock wall.

“I can’t remember ever wanting someone as much as I want you right now,” he continued. “In fact, I can barely remember the last time I had sex with someone purely for pleasure and not business,” he grinned, wryly. He reached up and placed his hand against her cheek.

“I want to make love with you, Freckles,” he whispered. “But I want to be able to give you as much pleasure as you give me. Doing...” at this he stumbled, almost embarrassed as he jerked his head towards his groin, “doing what you were about to do, well, that’s just for me. It needs to be about us both.”

Kate studied his face, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip thoughtfully. He never ceased to surprise her, she thought. She figured that he knew all about pleasuring a woman, was probably a damn expert on it, but she never figured him to be so selfless. She knew he wanted her without him saying it; the hard erection that had been under her a short time ago was more than enough evidence, and yet he was saying no so that they could be together in what he felt was “the right way”.

“You know,” she grinned. “I get the feeling that that’s probably the first time in history you’ve turned down a blow job.”

“Think you’re right,” he said with a short laugh.

“You’re a very weird man.”

“Yup,” he sighed. Moving closer to him, she placed her mouth over his in a soft kiss.

“I think I like you,” she whispered, before kissing him again.

“I like you too,” he whispered back when they broke apart, before kissing her again. She moved urgently against him, her body flailing about as she kept their lips connected. The kiss again grew deeper and after a minute, he realised that the passion was leading them back to where they had had previously been. He tore his lips away as she straddled his lap.

“Kate,” he warned, then gasped as she took him in her hand and directed him inside her. He groaned deeply as he felt her clench her muscles around him, her body holding him like a tight fist. He looked up at her in shock, realising that her kissing had been a distraction and that she had used that very distraction to rid herself of her jeans and panties.

“No one said this had to be one-sided,” she whispered, smiling down at him.

“God,” he moaned as he moved inside her, watching her eyes close and her head fall back in ecstasy. He took the opportunity to do what he had so desperately wanted to do before and he leaned forward, kissing over her breasts.

Kate reached down and took his head in her hands, holding him to her as his mouth slid over her soft skin. His mouth was hot and he tantalised her by sliding his soft lips over her breasts, but always just skimming past her nipples. She wanted so desperately for him to take the taut buds into his mouth but it was as though he knew and he was just out to torment her.

“Sawyer,” she moaned, feeling him smile against her. Hot licks of pleasure tore through her as he finally closed his mouth over one nipple and began licking and sucking, drawing long moans from her throat. Damn, that man knew what he was doing, she thought foggily. But two could play this game.

She began to move her hips against him, feeling him growing impossibly harder and longer. He grabbed her head and pulled it down, catching her mouth with his as he began to thrust deep within her. She moved along with him, enjoying the feel of his hand on her hip as he directed her. She placed her hands on the rock behind him on either side of his head and threw her head back, offering her throat up to his very clever mouth. For a man who was partly incapacitated, he was pretty damn incredible.

As his thrusts grew harder, she felt the pressure building within her and she moved quicker, feeling him slide in and out of her tight body. His breathing grew louder and heavier and she knew that he too was close.

“Oh God,” she cried, whimpering as the pressure built intensely, almost painfully, until it finally burst, sending screaming pleasure through her as she bucked against him wildly. Her muscles clenched and spasmed as the orgasm hit, tightening painfully around him and sending him over the edge with her. She heard him cry out her name as he came, jerking violently inside her.

They waited until they both regained their breath, her body draped over his, their foreheads touching and their eyes closed. Finally, she moved her head back and tossed her long hair over her shoulders. She gazed down at the sight he made, his eyes shut, his mouth open and gasping, his body slumped against the hard rock wall. God, he was gorgeous! She licked her lips and moved down to kiss him gently. When she pulled back, he opened his eyes and grinned at her, his tongue flicking out to taste her on his mouth.

He looked at her then, naked, her body heaving breathlessly, her muscles still pulsing around him, her long luxurious hair cascading over her shoulders, her lips curved into a beautiful smile.

“You’re so beautiful,” he smiled warmly, his dimples deepening. She looked almost embarrassed, smiling shyly. He reached up to caress her face gently. After a moment, she took his hand and kissed his fingers, before rolling off him. She helped him to get his pants back on then quickly dressed herself.

Now,” she said, forcing him to lay down again. “Do you think you can try and sleep?”

“I’m a guy ain’t I?” he grinned. “It’s almost a requirement for guys to sleep after sex.” He stretched out on his back and held his right arm out, inviting her to lay beside him. She smiled and curled up against him, laying her hand on the hard wall of his chest. She could feel herself drifting off, becoming hypnotised by the steady beating of his heart beneath her fingers.

“What the hell you doing with someone like me?” She heard his whispered question in the dark and wondered whether she was supposed to have heard it. She kissed his shoulder.

“Well, I heard you were incredible in bed so I thought I’d find out.” He was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke.

“And?”

She smiled against his skin, incredulous that he could actually sound unsure. The man was a God at sex and he had to know it. She raised herself on one elbow and looked down at him, totally taken by surprise to see that he actually was unsure. His usual cocky swagger was gone and he looked genuinely nervous about what she thought. She wanted to laugh at his performance anxiety but she found it quite touching really.

“Better than I could have imagined,” she said finally, smiling at him and touching her fingers to his lips. He kissed them gratefully and smiled at her as she dropped her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes.

After another moment’s silence, she heard him speak, his voice rumbling through his chest beneath her ear.

“I can do better.”

Helplessly, she burst out with a laugh.

“God, no, Sawyer,” she laughed, hugging him tightly. “I think you’d kill me.”

Left Behind Chapter Seven

2005-12-31T08:14:25Z

Here's Part Seven of my Lost fanfic

Chapter Seven

Kate’s heart was in her throat as she rushed to the prone figure huddled in the crevice. She could see that his shirt had fallen off his wounded shoulder, leaving most of his upper body exposed to the cold wind and rain. The previously pristine white bandage covering his bullet wound was half torn off and blackened with dirt and dried blood. She dropped to her knees in front of him and placed a tentative hand to his forehead, sighing in relief at the coolness; realising that the fever had not yet returned.

“Sawyer.” She shook him carefully, calling his name, trying to rouse him. “Sawyer. Come on, baby, you need to wake up.”

Damn her, Sawyer thought angrily. He just couldn’t get her out of his head no matter how hard he tried. Even now, he could hear her saying his name, nudging him gently, invading his dreams. She became more insistent and it took him a moment to realise that he was no longer asleep. He opened his eyes and looked at her, almost not believing that she was right in front of him.

She’s so beautiful, was the first thought to enter his head, then he quickly tried to banish it. She’s treacherous and conniving and you don’t want her here, remember, he admonished himself angrily. Pushing her hand away from him, he struggled up to a sitting position.

“Sawyer.” She reached out to touch him again but he flinched from her.

“Get the hell away from me.” His voice was low and menacing, but she could hear the underlying tremble, evidence of how ill he was quickly becoming once again.

“Sawyer, I need to get you out of here,” she said, desperately, reaching for him again, placing her hand on his arm. He shook it off fiercely and pressed his face to his folded arms. He couldn’t look at her; was afraid to look at her. If she saw his face, she would see the naked longing there, and he didn’t want that; didn’t want her to see how desperately he needed her.

“Sawyer, please.” She pleaded with him, noting with fear the pasty white look of his skin. He could hear the worry in her voice but he couldn’t speak. Like his face, he knew his voice would betray him.

Kate could see him shivering and she felt the anger rise in her throat. She knew he was shivering from the cold and not a fever, but it angered her that he would be so stubborn as to make himself sick again rather than allow her to help him. She tore the backpack from her shoulder and threw it in beside him, before sitting in front of him, seemingly oblivious to the rain that still pelted down on her.

“Fine,” she said. “You might not talk to me but you can damn well listen.” He didn’t move or make any acknowledgement but she knew that he had no choice but to hear her. She knew he was angry about the kiss. There was no other reason for his leaving the hatch. She also knew that he would probably cut his own tongue out before admitting that to her at the present moment. But at least if he was making such a concerted effort NOT to talk to her, she might just have a chance of explaining herself without too much interruption.

“Look, Sawyer,” she began. “I know that you know. About me kissing Jack. And I need to explain what happened to you.”

“Ain’t none of my business who you kiss,” he replied, trying hard to sound as though he didn’t care. It didn’t work.

“Yeah, Sawyer, actually it is,” she said. “Bottom line is, I care about you.” She heard him snort softly and she continued. “I do, Sawyer. More than I want to.”

“Look, Kate,” he snarled, lifting his head but not meeting her eyes. “I really don’t want to hear about your little romantic interlude with your boyfriend and I really don’t care what you do. So how ‘bout you just piss off and leave me alone.”

“Dammit, Sawyer, you’re such a stubborn asshole!” she shouted. “Do you think I want to care about you? Do you think I want to want you? I don’t! I really don’t! And I tried so hard not to. And you want to know something? That’s why I kissed Jack!”

“Kate…”

“No, you just shut up and listen, you idiot! You’re arrogant and you’re mean; you lie and you cheat and you steal and you don’t care about anyone but yourself! You’re an asshole, Sawyer. And why would I want to be attracted to that?”

“This going somewhere?” he asked, quietly, feeling ill. She was right in all but one thing; he cared about her.

“My point is, Sawyer, that I didn’t want to feel anything for you, but I do.” She took a deep breath and sighed. “Look,” she said quietly, “this isn’t coming out right.” She reached in and took his hand and this time, he didn’t pull away.

“After what happened in the hatch when you,” she faltered, before continuing,” when you grabbed me, I got frightened and I ran away. I was completely freaked out. I mean, you spoke to me as someone else. You weren’t you, Sawyer, and I was scared. I just ran into the jungle. Jack found me and I was upset and then he hugged me and I just looked at him and realised that I didn’t want him hugging me, I wanted it to be you.” Her words strung together as if she couldn’t get them out fast enough. “And I didn’t want to feel that way for you, so I kissed him.”

She felt Sawyer trying to pull his hand away and she held on tighter. “No, listen to me, Sawyer. I kissed Jack to prove to myself that I was attracted to him and not you, but it backfired. I tried to feel something but it just wasn’t there.” She leaned in and cupped his cheek with her free hand. “What I felt when I kissed Jack was nothing, Sawyer. Nothing compared to what I felt when I kissed you.”

Sawyer couldn’t believe what he was hearing; didn’t dare to believe that what she was saying could possibly be true. He felt her increase her pressure on his face, trying desperately to get him to look at her but he was scared; scared that he would look up and realise that it wasn’t true; that the bubble would burst and she wouldn’t have just revealed her feelings to him and that he would still be out in the jungle all alone, dreaming of her.

“Sawyer, please,” she cried. “Please look at me.” Hearing her voice catch and break, he finally risked looking up at her. She sat there in the pouring rain, her hair plastered down her shoulders in thick coils, her shirt stuck tightly to her body, looking for all the world as miserable as him, as the tears streaked down her face. He didn’t think she had ever looked so beautiful.

She in turn could finally see his face; could see what he had been so desperately hiding from her. For someone who so carefully schooled his face into what he wanted people to see, she could see the naked emotion written all over his face. He looked miserable, yet hopeful; tired and yet somewhat relieved.

The corners of her mouth curled up into a small sad smile. “I want you, Sawyer,” she said quietly.

Unable to speak, not knowing what to say, he gave a gentle tug on her hand, encouraging her silently to move into the crevice with him. She moved gratefully into the rocky shelter and, without a word, wrapped her arms around him and hugged him to her as she had in the hatch when he swallowed the pill.

Both of them were reluctant to move, happy to just finally be together and in each others’ arms. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Sawyer’s shivering became more noticeable. It was only then that they also noticed that the rain had finally stopped.

“Come on, we have to get you warm,” she said, reluctantly pulling away from him.

He gave her a trademark smirk and opened his mouth to speak, but she got in first.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you know a fun way to get warm or some other crude statement to the same effect, right?”

“You know me, Freckles,” he laughed.

“Yeah,” she said, smiling at him warmly, “I do.”

She moved out of the crevice and looked around. Despite the rain having stopped, darkness had set in and she knew that it would soon be night. She looked back down at Sawyer who continued to huddle against the wall, his eyes closed in exhaustion. There was no way they would make it back to the hatch before nightfall. She wasn’t even sure that he would be able to manage more than a few steps. They were going to have to stay where they were for the night, and a quick glance around at the rain soaked trees told her that she was not going to be able to make a fire.

“Okay, come on,” she said, reaching down to him. “We have to get this shirt on you properly.” She was glad to see that his shirt had basically dried and she helped him to get his good arm out of the sleeve.

“Thought you said we had to get the shirt on,” he muttered.

“We do. But its going to be easier to get your bad arm in if we do that one first.”

Groaning painfully, he stretched his left arm out and she carefully slid the sleeve over it, before moving to quickly get his other arm back into the shirt. She grabbed her backpack and pulled out the blanket, pleased to see that the water resistant fabric of the pack had left the blanket dry.

“Okay, take this,” she instructed, pulling a pill out of the bottle of antibiotics and handing to him, followed by the bottle of water. Despite the excessive shaking, he was just able to get the pill in his mouth and swallow a mouthful of water to wash it away. While he did that, she pulled off her overshirt and stuffed it into the backpack, then turned back to take the bottle of water from his shaking hand.

“Now, let’s look at this,” she said, gently moving the corner of his shirt back to reveal the torn bandage on his shoulder. Carefully peeling it off, muttering “sorry” every time he grunted, she looked at the red streaks radiating out from the small wound; the dirt embedded into it. She poured some of the water over the wound and gently used the one undamaged corner of the bandage to clean the wound.

She looked at Sawyer with concern as he gritted his teeth against the pain as she carefully tried to remove the dirt.

“Hang on, baby,” she muttered, grasping his hand tightly with her free one, “I’m nearly finished.” As his hand squeezed hers tighter, she decided that she had removed what she could without making the whole situation worse. She tossed the destroyed bandage aside and gave him time to catch his breath.

“You okay?” He nodded mutely, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. When he opened them again, it was to see Kate stripping off her tanktop, leaving her sitting across from him in her bra.

“Oh, Freckles, don’t do that,” he moaned. “I really don’t think I’m in any shape to perform right now.” She laughed as she balled up her tanktop and pressed it to the wound.

“Settle, cowboy,” she grinned. “It’s all I have to use as a bandage. Plus it’s wet and cold and I’ll be warmer without it once we get the blanket around us.” She moved closer to him and gently pushed him towards the ground. “Now lie down,” she instructed, guiding him down to lie with his head on the backpack.

“You came prepared,” he grinned, as she flicked the blanket out and spread it over him.

“Someone had to,” she grinned back, as she slid down beside him. Lifting the blanket to move beneath it, she spread his shirt open and pressed herself against him, her breasts crushing against the solidness of his chest.

“Uh, Freckles?” She could hear the uncertainty in Sawyer’s voice and she laughed.

“Body heat,” she answered to his unspoken question. “Only way I can think of to keep us both warm.” She wrapped her arms around his middle and cuddled close. “Now, shut up and get some sleep.”

“Yeah, fat chance of that,” he mumbled, feeling her grin against his chest. Reaching up, she pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Try.”